Is it possible for a company to go to hell? How about maybe charging them as an accessory to murder. They can’t retry OJ, but they can try FOX! Get Vanatter to smear some blood on the FOX backlot or Furman to slur Solomon Wilcots or the guy from 24. Or Apu! Macaca Apu – that’ll do it. Where’s Sargeant Stacey Coon to crack some skulls when you need him? Where’s Rodney? Where’s Reginald? Where’s Ice T???
Oh man alive, I never thought Man vs Beast could be topped, but who better to do it than the biggest pariah EVAR on the most shameless network EVAR!! Well, biggest pariah this side of Salman Rushdie. Whatever happened to him anyways? I wonder if he’ll be a correspondent for the new Al Jazeera English network with my new babe crush Ghida Fakhry. But I digress…
The man went detating people caps, claims he didn’t do it – claims it took him 15 minutes to get from Rockingham to Bundy at 2 in the morning (it took me 4 mins at 11pm), hasn’t paid the Goldmans a dime from the civil judgement, has his money in the Caymans, stole cable, had steak knives hidden from him at Mortons, dated some girl who was doing drugs with Pedro Guerero, was involved in a missing cat incident while assuring local cops by saying “don’t worry, I’ll handle it” (HAH!!), had his poor daughter so mentally beat down that she had to call 911 sobbing to find some support, and wanted to star in a ripoff of MTV’s Punk’d where his tagline to the unsuspecting victim…err… prankee was going to be …. wait for it … “You’ve been Juiced!” Yeah – Nicole and Ron got juiced too – and Jack Lalaine wasn’t even involved!
I won’t even get into his abject disinterest in participating in the civil rights efforts in the late 60’s – he never ever claimed racism until he bit off more than he could chew with the murders, his picture was darkened on Time magazine, and his trial was turned into a referendum on race relations and the LAPD. The only reason he got off is that, societally, the LAPD was even worse than he was!
But just when you think you’ve relegated him to the 8-Mile of society where he can stay tucked away like your neked pictures from that drunken night at school or that nasty wart on your shoulder, he comes storming back like Mel Gibson from on top of that hill (ok, so maybe a bad analogy) and now is going to make watching Fox on November 27th and 29th like making the walk of shame.
Well you know what – if I can curl up in front of the tele to have that age-old question answered (who CAN pull the airplane faster – an elephant or 40 midgets…err.. small people) then surely I can peep Orenthal the rock toting murderer get loose on his alleged hypotheticals on whether he sliced up first or down. I hope the host of that TV show has a bodyguard and chain mail armor underwear.
OJ – America’s most notorious train wreck!!!
O.J. Hypothetically Confesses on FOX
Simpson didn’t do it, but if he had, this is how he would have, or so he says
Thank heavens for double jeopardy. On Monday, Nov. 27 and Wednesday, Nov. 29, O.J. Simpson, acquitted murderer and NFL Hall-of-Famer, will star in a two-part FOX special sensitively titled “O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened.” We’ll let that sink in for a second or two. Publisher Judith Regan and Simpson will have a no-holds-barred interview in which he, among other things, “tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes.”
“This is an interview that no one thought would ever happen,” says FOX’s reality programming guru Mike Darnell. “It’s the definitive last chapter in the Trial of the Century.” Although Simpson was acquitted of murdering Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, he was later found responsible for both murders in a civil suit. At the time, he was ordered to pay $33.5 million in restitution to the families of the victims, a penalty that remains outstanding. The special is perfectly timed around the release of Simpson’s book “If I Did It,” which will be released on Nov. 30.
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