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January 30, 2010

John Terry Wayne Bridge Jokes



 

The Press Association: Terry refuses to comment on claims

England football captain John Terry turned out to skipper Chelsea after refusing to comment on allegations that he had an affair with the girlfriend of a team-mate. Terry cheated on his wife Toni with French underwear model Vanessa Perroncel, then the girlfriend of former Chelsea defender Wayne Bridge, it was alleged in newspaper reports.

oh dear – well – here goes:

Wayne Bridge’s wife must be a goalpost in Moscow because John Terry hit it.

Wayne Bridge sent his missus a replica of his cock made from Cadburys chocolate. She said that she prefers Terrys

Capello is expected to name Gary Neville as the new England Captain since he hasn’t got a chance of sleeping with anyone’s wife.

John Terry has scored away from home again – this time it wasn’t Wayne Bridge’s girl.

Well, Wayne Bridge is always injured, someone had to step in and do it.

I don’t know why everyone is giving John Terry such a hard time.
As a footballer, getting a girl to consent is a rarity, he should be commended.

BREAKING: John Terry is set to appear before the Iraq inquiry after alleged secret meetings with Bush

John Terry has “vowed to give everything to the team”. Yeah, syphilis… chlamydia… warts… herpes…

I knew JT liked scoring at The Bridge, but this is just ridiculous.

“Hi, I’m John Terry and sneaking out Windows was my idea.”

John Terry to star in new TV program “Other Footballers Wives”

After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans want Terry to try it on with Emile Heskey’s wife.

At the end of February, Chelsea are playing away from home between two European legs. Something John Terry will be more than familiar with.

Same old Terry, always cheating.

Q: What do Wayne Bridge and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both should’ve stayed at Southampton.

Ashley Cole was stopped for speeding in London. When the police ask him to explain, he says: “I just heard that John Terry’s parked outside my house!”

What’s Wayne Bridge’s wife got in common with a Champions League final goalpost? They’ve both been banged by John Terry…

Pity, Wayne Bridge wasn’t even first choice with his wife!

Somebody bought me some terry’s all gold today. was suprised to find new chocolates called ‘bigamy’ and ‘coward’

Gag order lifted in Terry case? That’s what SHE said!

JT said he didn’t mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel – he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

Songs: To the tune of Simple Gifts (Lord of the Dance)

Chelsea, wherever you may be,
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry,
He’ll take her to a clinic in a back alley,
And then he’ll fuck off to the UAE

Chelsea, wherever you may be,
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry,
He’ll whinge and he’ll cry, and he’ll piss off to Dubai
While the captaincy decision is nigh

Chelsea, Wherever you may be,
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry.
Cuz he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff,
And he’ll get your missus up the duff

Terry … his whole family
can’t stay away from the scrutiny
whether selling dust or nicking groceries
now it’s fratricide with adultery

Chelsea wherever you may be,
Don’t trust your wives with John Terry,
His dad sells crack, his mum is a thief
He cries when he misses a penalty!

Another song to The Addams Family:
They say his mum’s a stealer,
They say his dad’s a dealer,
He’s screwing his mate’s Sheila,
The Terry Family”.

To sum it all up: John Terry cheats, can’t keep a clean sheet and scores away from home.

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January 12, 2010

@EPLTalk: “Sepp Blatter is a World Class Weenie.” Me: “You’re too nice”



 
The lack of accountability of FIFA as a whole and Sepp Blatter in particular is simply staggering.  In the world’s most popular sport, its leaders have somehow fashioned a deal which leaves them completely unaccountable to the fans that ultimately finance and support their organization.  I feel nothing but sorrow for the Togolese players who found themselves in a war zone through no fault of their own, and nothing but contempt for the twits who refuse to take responsibility and address this catastrophe.

Sepp Blatter is the definition of “rotten to the core” as you can see his poor leadership reflected in many of his regional underlings *cough*Jack Warner*cough*. As they say – shit rolls downhill.

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January 9, 2010

Production process of the official 2010 FIFA World Cup match ball Jabulani

Filed under: FIFA, Soccer, World Cup, football — Tags: , , — webadmin @ 5:22 am


 
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November 20, 2009

[Sub-gutter press + Arsecast 139] Arseblog shines an illuminating light on the opportunistic press



 

The Mirror:

Liam Brady last night branded Thierry Henry “shameful“ after launching a bitter attack on FIFA for fixing the outcome.

Or did he? In fact LB7’s use of the word “shameful” was aimed at FIFA. On Thierry he said:

I wouldn’t blame Thierry Henry for what went on. I would maybe look at what happened three months before and the fact that these seedings for the play-offs were made to favour the bigger teams. I would ask why that went on.

Then we have Henry Winter in the Telegraph calling for Henry to be banned from the World Cup, saying:

Thierry, you have just given football its “Say it ain’t so, Joe” moment. From Shoeless to Shameless. 

If the reference eludes you Winter is talking about “Shoeless” Joe Jackson, a baseball player for the Chicago White Sox who participated in a match fixing conspiracy to allow the Cincinnati Reds to win the World Series. So Thierry’s handball is now being equated with deliberate, considered and systematic cheating. I really expected better from Henry Winter because this is the kind of shite you would see in the worst kind of tabloid. Instead he’s jumped on the bandwagon and made himself look like a total idiot. He goes on to say:

A cheat like Henry should not be allowed to attend the World Cup while honest souls like Shay Given, Robbie Keane, Damien Duff and Ireland’s wonderful supporters stay at home. 

Since when did an English journalist care so much about Irish football? It’s cloying in the extreme to have them fake sincerity towards Ireland just to have a pop at Henry. How nice of them to be so outraged on our behalf. And ‘honest souls’ like Robbie Keane and Damien Duff. After the game Damien Duff spoke to the BBC, here’s what he said:

If it was myself or Robbie down the other end we’d have tried it … you just expect the linesman or referee to see it.

Honest souls, indeed. I haven’t even bothered looking anywhere else because I assume it’s all the same shite, not a voice of reason anywhere (although Barry Glendenning did say he’d buy Henry a pint if he came to Ireland – he’d probably buy him a pint of Coors Lite though, which would be fair punishment it has to be said).

It really is amazing when you see the unbridled vitriol over this incident … IN ENGLAND. Opportunistic press capitalizing on the latent xenophobia of some who wish to think British Football as pure as days gone by and attribute stylistic and cultural differences in how the game is played on an alleged continentalization that’s out to ruin the game.

Sounds eerily similar to the plight of the Fox News/Republican Tea Partiers here in America … make that “Real America” – you know – the part not including New York, LA, etc.

It’s very convenient to blame Henry only because of the stakes of the game and the nationality of the victims in this case. I still wonder why the outrage isn’t vented at the governing body who is STILL the lone holdout in major world sport in integrating some sort of real, effective, efficient technological (or human) review process either during the game or after the game.

All we hear are excuses of why and how and precedent. If you keep hemming and hawing, nothing will ever get done. Draw a line and move forward with a plan. But if you don’t address the real causes, this will happen again. and again. And there’s nothing that making Thierry Henry a scapegoat will ever do to fix it. He is not the droid you’re looking for.

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November 19, 2009

Arseblog speaks sense in a media dominated by nonsense



 

Look, it was a handball, he cheated, no question about it. Would I have preferred he didn’t do it? Of course. Is it the only reason Ireland didn’t qualify for the World Cup? No. Thierry is now Ireland’s most hated man, there are Facebook groups and websites with Guestbooks where you can register and call him whatever name you want, but for me it’s a real shame that professional sports writers are talking about Henry ruining his reputation as if this is what defines his career. They ought to hang their heads and get some perspective. 

You had pundits last night, players who actually played the game, who suggested that Henry should have told the ref he’d handled it. Seriously! As if they would have when they were playing. As if an Irish player would have if he’d done it. The soapboxing was unreal and, frankly, bullshit. For anyone who has played the game – AT ANY LEVEL – to say that they would have told the referee they handled it out of good sportsmanship is a liar. And when World Cup qualification is on the table? Give me a break.

If it had been against Serbia, for example, would anyone give a shit? Same thing as the Eduardo dive, isn’t it? Everyone’s got a soft spot for good old Celtic and sure aren’t the Irish great craic, therefore the anger and outraged is multiplied. And I’m an Irishman so I won’t be lectured to by English journalists about how I should feel about what happened or Thierry Henry. But there wouldn’t be 10% of the fuss if he’d done the same thing against some swarthy eastern Europeans. And if the shoe had been on the other foot, or the glove on the other hand, perhaps, would there be such a ferocious reaction about how the nasty Irish had cheated the French? I don’t think so. I dare to say those in the English press might have had a good laugh at the expense of their cross-channel rivals. And how many Irishmen laughed at Maradona in 1986? Perhaps it’s not quite so funny now.

He should not have handled it but he did. Ireland should have scored at least one more goal but they didn’t and how many times have we watched football for something like this to happen? Thierry has been a magnificent footballer, he has won practically every medal there is to win (sadly one in particular with that scabby lot in Spain), and that for me is how he’ll be remembered, despite the efforts of some to sully that.

Is Michael Owen remembered only for his blatant dive against Argentina? Wayne Rooney for diving to win that penalty at Old Trafford? No. They are all pieces of instinctive cheating, it happens in football since time immemorial and will continue to do so.

And a bunch of the Irish players said post-match that they understood what Henry did and even said they may have done the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot. This was with the various media prodding them to curse Henry live on camera. Hats off to Ireland for sportsmanship, to Trappatoni for not letting the media pick his squad, and to understanding that sometimes shit happens.

Ideally this game would get replayed, but I don’t think the realities of a December 4th draw would allow it. What will be interesting, though, is to see if Platini would treat France and Henry the way he treated Arsenal and Eduardo. Likely not!

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April 17, 2009

We’ll Only Sorta Miss You, Tommy Smyth.



 

Since FSC won the Champions League rights away from ESPN recently, everyone’s been speculating on the futures of Derek Rae and Tommy Smyth as commentators. I really hope to still hear Derek Rae around as he’s been the voice of the Champions League for me, even if he’s been shackled by ESPN’s constraints.

Tommy Smyth, on the other hand? He does grate on you after a while. Seemingly the quintessential ESPN buffoon in the vein of Dick Vitale or Lou Holtz. This piece in the Guardian explores Smyth’s haters, his catchphrase and why he is possibly the most hated football commentator in history. But the takeaway for me was this admittedly guffaw-inducing line from the 2002 World Cup in Korea/Japan about the naturalized black Polish player Emmanuel Olisadebe – a.k.a. the sore thumb!

“Like my mother said to me: ‘If your cat had kittens inside an oven, would you call them scones?’”

BRILLIANT!

Even if it described half the US team in the 90’s.

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September 2, 2008

Foreigners Killing The Premier League



 

I used to think people were crazy to complain that foreigners in the Premier League were killing the England national team. But now I think they’re right – only it’s not the foreign players, it’s the foreign owners that are to blame. The massive influx in money (highlighted by the recent madness at Manchester City) has created a culture in the Premier League where winning and staying in all competitions is important not just for the fans and players, but also to the long-term financial health of the club. Meaning that trivial things like World Cup qualifiers and even cup games are given second-class status to Premier League weekend games and European competition.

Take the example of Steven Gerrard’s latest injury. It seems that Gerrard has been playing on a groin injury for a while, even after further aggravating it in a midweek Champion’s League qualifier that Liverpool had to win. So what does Manager Rafa Benitez do? Asks him to gut it out for the weekend Premier League game and then schedule surgery for the international break – which, as you can imagine, did not initially sit well with England Manager Fabio Capello.

Rafa Benitez insisted he had made his peace with England coach Fabio Capello yesterday and dismissed claims of a breakdown in communication over Steven Gerrard’s latest injury absence.

Gerrard will have the second of two minor groin operations today and will miss Capello’s first two competitive games in charge, as England begin their World Cup campaign against Andorra next Saturday and Croatia four days later.

Capello was reportedly unhappy at being kept in the dark over Liverpool’s decision to arrange surgery for their skipper in the immediate aftermath of Wednesday night’s Champions League qualifying round win over Standard Liege.

Now it seems that captain John Terry, Frank Lampard, Owen Hargreaves, Wes Brown, and Ashley Cole will also miss one or both international games – which leaves me wondering how England is expected to get a result against Croatia – the team that will most likely be their toughest competition in the group – in a competition where, unlike Euro 2008 qualifying, winning the group is paramount to qualification. I know it happens on-and-off already, but is this going to get to the point where clubs will start to come up with all kinds of excuses to keep their best players out of all international games?

I suppose the good thing is that some non-regulars like Fulham’s Jimmy Bullard will get a chance to impress Capello. But without some kind of continuity in Capello’s system, how can the team be expected to play as a unit? Some would say Capello should drop the overpaid regulars and give the young England stars more consideration. But Capello seems to have a fondness for a more grizzled England team (see:David Beckham) with Michael Owen the only notable exception.

I say instead of picking an England All-Star team, just send Aston Villa. They seem to be the only Premier League team stockpiling young England talent (Ashley Young, Gabby Agbonlahor, Gareth Barry, Steve Sidwell, Luke Young, Curtis Davies, etc.) and there’ll be no worries about not playing together. I suppose they need to find someone to replace Carew, Laursen, Friedel and a few others, but it would certainly have saved them from paying both Shteve McClaren and Fabio Capello all that money when they could get the guy (Martin O’Neill) they probably should have hired after Sven left. Of course we’ll look past the fact that Villa’s owners are American and their manager is Irish!

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June 6, 2008

The Roundup from 2008-06-06



 
  • Arsene Wenger could leave Arsenal for PSG http://tinyurl.com/5tsa4o “… at the end of his current contract in 2011″ – from The Telegraph #
  • http://tinyurl.com/48sb3e “A former army sergeant, Wenger’s friend [Charles] Villeneuve was a shock appointment as PSG president this week.” #
  • http://tinyurl.com/48sb3e “[Michel] Moulin was appointed director of sport of PSG in April…claims Wenger is being lined up for the role.” #
  • http://tinyurl.com/48sb3e “Sebastien Bazin – The managing director of Colony Capital who own 62.5 percent of PSG….met Wenger last summer” #
  • http://tinyurl.com/4wvk76 “[Wenger] already established close links w/ PSG and played an influential role in their restructuring this week.” #
  • England exclusive – US and FA both want David Beckham for world cup bids – Sunday Mirror http://tinyurl.com/4pb88c #

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November 26, 2007

Reaction To The Problems With English Football



 

Lots of interesting articles questioning the qualifications of Steve McClaren and the skill level of English footballers in a culture that perhaps doesn’t value the right qualities. Simon Barnes of the Times writes about McClaren’s desire to please the press rather than find his own way.:

It is not that the job is impossible. Eriksson took England to three successive quarter-finals and through three successful qualification campaigns. Of course the pressure is intense, that’s why the job needs a man of remarkable strength, one who is certain of what he wants, equally contemptuous of critics and flatterers, with the nerves of a burglar and a deep understanding of international football.

Such men exist. They are rare, which is why they command high salaries. The pressure is absurd, the criticism hysterical in many countries: we need not plume ourselves on being especially awful, save in our fascination with the sexual lives of footballing men. But what the job demands above all else is a self-confidence devoid of vanity. McClaren had the exact opposite.

This has been a woeful 17 months for English football. It looked like a disaster from day one and so it turned out. I don’t think any of us is in the least bit surprised about that. McClaren never had it: you could see it in the cut of his jib; above all, you could see it in his smile.

Michael Owen, who was injured and watched the game on TV, thinks that England succumbed to the pressure of the moment:

‘It came down to the pressure of making a mistake when it really mattered. If we’d won the games we should have, we wouldn’t have ended up putting that kind of pressure on ourselves. It was our own fault.

‘The best sportsman can deal with it, someone like Tiger Woods thrives on it.

‘When you play at this high level, 99% of your performance level takes place in your head and that puts a big onus in coping mentally.

‘When fear takes over, you start to do things wrong and take the easy option which in our case is lumping the ball forward to the front men.

‘I’m not absolving myself from blame just because I was not playing. What must be addressed as much as anything is our psychological preparations.’

Martin Samuel thinks that there’s a culture of fear in English Football:

Brooking talks up his skills programme, but there is little point in teaching a ten-year-old the Cruyff turn if he is expected to put it into practice on a full-sized pitch with his coach screaming at him to clear his lines. The whole process requires reform, not one executive aspect of it.

It is almost as if English footballers are out of practice in thinking about the game. Gareth Barry was required to anchor England’s midfield against Croatia, yet the statistics show that his touches of the ball were generally in more advanced positions than Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard, thus negating the plan to have them breaking forward to latch on to Peter Crouch’s knock-downs. Other countries, the Netherlands in particular, give the sport an intellectual centre. Yet in both games, Croatia’s midfield looked brighter than ours. Better educated. Better prepared. They knew what they wanted to achieve and had paid attention in class.

Whoever follows McClaren will need to be a strong personality. Some of the malaise within the English game, specifically at grass roots, is not his to change, so all that can be done is to work on removing the fear from the elite players. It requires a psychologist — José Mourinho or Martin O’Neill, thinking men who may approach the problem from a fresh angle, single-minded and unafraid.

And finally, Bobby McMahon confronts the idea that passion is the number one quality to look for in a player:

Passion – England (and often Scotland’s) answer to any football problem. Could someone please explain to me why so many British fans seem to believe that passion is some sort of differentiator between British sides and foreign teams?

How does that square with the foreign (particularly Latin) stereotype of being hot tempered and dare I say overly “passionate”? Isn’t the constant use of the word “passion” just another way of saying technically inferior and the only way that it can be covered up is running around more and trying harder? It may work in the short term but it has a limited shelf life.

Doesn’t it strike everyone as a bit odd that while British fans worship at the altar of passion that it is other countries – who apparently are not so passionate – produce teams that win the WC and European championships?

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November 25, 2007

Scattered Thoughts on 2007-11-25



 
  • Oh my – an Auburn DB was just bitten in the hand by a police dog after he defended a play in the end zone. Then they took the dog away! #
  • Kansas Jayhawks, Exposed by Missouri in Kansas City, Missouri! If they win out – it’ll be West Virginia – Mizzou for the BCS title. Yuck! #
  • Callahan, Orgeron and Franchione fired. OK – Fran resigned but same thing. Along with Carr that leaves a lot of head coach posts available #
  • WaSU wins Apple Cup on last minute bomb – capitalizing on a blitz and blown coverage. OSU’s clock cleaned by OU. Clemson beat Spurrier #
  • VTech (errr. VPI) beat UVa. BC beat Miami for the first time since Hail Flutie, Canes finish 5-7 :( . No bowl for you. Kyle Wright: abysmal. #
  • Kent State lost to Buffalo. UNC beat Duke. UCLA beat Oregon and BYU beat Utah. How does Stanford win at USC and lose at home to Notre Dame? #
  • Wow – Celtics beat Charlotte on buzzer beating 3 by Ray Allen. Is this post Laker game hangover? Apparently their gym was rocking. #
  • Mizzou KU game running time: 226 minutes. ABC is reeeeally milking it for ad money, isn’t it. #
  • Just to reiterate: Nick “The Dick” Saban lost. That’s 6 straight Iron Bowls to Auburn. War Eagle #
  • Arsenal, Man City, Chelsea, Pompy, Liverpool win. Man United lose to Bolton! Arsenal: 3 points clear and a game in hand! #
  • Fight On … College Football’s Top Franchises http://tinyurl.com/2ecc9k I still don’t get why Notre Dame is so popular. Oh well. #
  • Owen: Pressure got to England http://tinyurl.com/28sp6w “99% … takes place in your head and that puts a big onus in coping mentally.” #
  • “When fear takes over, you start to do things wrong and take the easy option which in our case is lumping the ball forward to the front men” #
  • “I’m not absolving myself from blame… What must be addressed as much as anything is our psychological preparations.” #
  • http://tinyurl.com/ytz32g England Play Croatia again in World Cup Qualifying. N. Korea play S. Korea and US could play Cuba. Spicy! #
  • Browns, Jags, Saints on the rise. Giants come back to the pack. With Detroit losing, NFC will be tough to call. AFC looks like CLE & JAX. #
  • Mizzou is BCS #1 and WV are #2. For Now. Mizzou plays Oklahoma – their only loss. WV has a layup with Pitt. Ohio State is waiting at #3. #
  • BCS gets what they deserve. Mizzou vs West Virginia? Worst. Title game. Ever. #
  • East Lower http://tinyurl.com/286lhf On Arsenal: “we have secured 13 of our 33 points in the last ten minutes of our games.” #

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