Yo mama was so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
I can’t imagine what the jokes about Ronaldo would be like if Terry would have made his kick.
One plane ticket to Moscow…£239.
One night accommodation in Moscow…£159.
Watching John Terry throw it all away…priceless
Samaritans are offering counseling to all Chelsea fans. Call 0800 101010 – that’s 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.
Police this morning reported to Avram Grant that there had been a break in at the Bridge. Avram asked “were there any cups stolen?” “No Sir,” the policeman replied. “They didn’t make it to the kitchen!”
Frank Lampard and Joe Cole were allegedly spotted out in Red Square last night, having clearly had one or two drinks. They were reportedly singing: “We’re forever blowing Doubles.”
Did you hear about the new ‘Chelsea Bra’? Lots of support but no cups.
Ryan Giggs speaking about the Champions League cup: “It’s like a Chocolate Orange - It’s not Terry’s, it’s mine!”
The Verve have released a tribute song to John Terry after his penalty blunder. It’s called ‘The Studs Don’t Work’.
Its lashing it down with rain in Moscow, poor old Avram Grant is soaked… mainly from John Terry’s tears.
John Terry is going to start making is own brand of vodka - made in England but bottled in Russia.
Stamford bridge a European Cup free zone.
Missing: 1 x Bottle
Last Seen: 21st May, Moscow
If found please return to: John Terry, Stamford Bridge, London.
Heard about the John Terry tyre? Excellent durability but not so good in the wet!
Good news: Josef Fritzel, the Austrian cellar rapist will be given the death penalty.
Bad news: John Terry is going to take it!
Why can’t you get a cup of tea at the Bridge? All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Old Trafford.
John Terry always listens to the same song before a game - Born Slippy.
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