myopiclunacy.com

I managed to record and watch VH1’s Top 100 Hip Hop Songs ever today. It was OK aside from the fact that (except for Run DMC) they only had one song per artist, and in some cases (Ladies First for Queen Latifah instead of U.N.I.T.Y, Colors for Ice T instead of New Jack Hustler, Stan for Eminem instead of anything else) the wrong song IMO. Anyways one gem I found out in the Where Are They Now segment for Coolio is that he has an online cooking show! Really!

Quite Frankly, this is the stupidest (and most unexpected) thing I’ve ever seen. EVER! Which is why it’s so hilarious!!

Popularity: 6% [?]

Suge Knight apparently got Knocked The Fug Out:

Suge Knight was knocked out for three minutes following a brawl at Hollywood nightclub Shag on Saturday. Details are unclear, and TMZ.com initially reported that SUge Knight was knocked out after shaking his assailant and demaning, “I want my money!”

Now hip hop blog HipHopDX.com has a different story– it seems that Suge Knight was not knocked out by whoever owed him money. Instead, it appears that the money argument was taped using a cell phone camera. Suge Knight put him in a headlock and took the phone outside. The cameraman followed him–grabbing an object from his trunk that he used to knock out Suge– for 10 minutes.

TMZ had exclusive photos of a bloody Suge Knight after the fight. Knight was hospitalized but declined to press charges. Blog Derek Hail said that Suge Knight’s SUV driver hit two cars and then was take away. Someone else had to drive them away.

Details are not yet known for the Suge Knight fight btu Derek Hail speculated that the assailant will be dead within the week.

No word if the assailant was one Robert Van Winkle.

Popularity: 1% [?]

The Spitzer Scandal was only a few hours old and the Late Night TV writers were hard at work on the Spitzer Jokes:
Daily Show/Colbert News One Liners

Spitzer Swallows
Eliott Mess

Stephen Colbert

Now, the governor was supposed to give a press conference today at 2:15 p.m. but a whole hour passed before he spoke. To be fair, it is daylight savings time and the governor usually has a prostitute change his clocks.

David Letterman

Do you think it’s too soon to be hitting on Mrs. Eliot Spitzer?

Right about now, Spitzer is huddling with his advisers to develop a drinking problem.He even He had yellow crime scene tape draped around his pants.

The thinking now is that the governor may step down now to spend less time with his family.

Letterman’s Top 10 Spitzer Excuses

10. “Oh come on, like you were never involved in a prostitution ring.”
9. “Hookers is fun.”
8. “Just trying to help the economy.”
7. “Have you ever been to Albany?”
6. “It’s part of my new MTV prank show, ‘Spitz’d.’”
5. “Haven’t been myself since Roy Scheider died.”
4. “Uh, tainted beef?”
3. “Whether it’s a hooker or your wife, you’re always paying for – you married fellas know what I’m talking about.”
2. “Wanted to be known as the Charlie Sheen of politics.”
1. “I thought Bill Clinton legalized this years ago.”

Jay Leno

They found the source of all global warming in America: Eliot Spitzer’s pants

Hillary Clinton is now only the second angriest woman in the State of New York

Conan O’Brien

Governor Spitzer — this is the latest — responded just a few hours ago by saying, ‘I violated my obligations to my family and I violated my sense of right and wrong.’ Yes, Spitzer also admitted violating someone named Amber.

More to come, surely!

Videos

Letterman monologue

Letterman’s Top 10

The Daily Show

The Colbert Report

More jokes and one-liners from FreeRepublic

Engine Engine #9 Parodies
Mr. Spitzer, Number Nine,
Going down the Northeast Line,
If the whore is on some crack,
Do you want your money back?

Client, client number 9,
Running down the hooker line.
If she knocks you off the track,
Do you want your money back?

Q: What was Governor Spitzer working on with those young ladies?
A:: The State of his Union.

Pictures

”Eliot — PHONE HO”

NJ: At least your govenor is straight.

Spitzer takes a “Wide Stance” on Ethics Issues….

There once was a Govn’r named Spitzer,
Who couldn’t control his own spritzer.
He used his account
For Kristen to mount,
Got caught and it’s too late to diss her.

“Mr. Spitzer left a deposit.”
Will it leave a stain on has career?

PROSTITUTIN’ SPITZ
Tune: Puttin’ on the Ritz

If you’re guv
And wish you knew
Where to get love
Why don’t you do
Like hypocrites
Prostitutin’ Spitz

Girls with names
You find out after
Play their games
And soon you hafta
Call it quits
Prostitutin’ Spitz

Hooked up with a thousand-dollar hooker
Now you’re stuck inside the pressure cooker
Lookin’ snookered

Call-girl tricks
Of pure excitement
Pay for kicks
With your indictment
Paging Fitz
Prosecutin’ Spitz

Unrelated One Liners
You know why Chelsea Clinton is so Ugly? Because Janet Reno is her Father!

I want to “Buy American” but the only things for sale made in the USA are politicians

New York’s Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned today and to make things official, Governor Spitzer had to write a letter of resignation to New York’s Secretary of State. Out of habit, Spitzer addressed the letter, “Dear Penthouse.”

Because Eliot Spitzer is resigning as Governor of New York, that means Hillary Clinton has lost another superdelegate. On the bright side: Bill Clinton has gained a super wing man.

Conan and Snoop - in the Year 2000

Top Ten Surprises During Eliot Spitzer’s Resignation

10. Entered to the sounds of Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin’”

9. Opening line: “Are you a cop?”

8. Spent two minutes seductively stroking the microphone

7. Reaffirmed his policy of “Bro’s before Ho’s”

6. His decision not to wear pants

5. Admitted he also once made out with former Governor Pataki

4. Credited downfall to fast-paced lifestyle of Albany

3. He was kinda pitchy, dawg

2. Said he thought the Emperor’s Club was a Chinese restaurant

1. When reporters asked how much he paid per hour, his wife said, “Believe me, he doesn’t need an hour”

Top Ten Messages Left on Eliot Spitzer’s Answering Machine

10. Hey, what’s new?

9. It’s Barack Obama. Remember our conversation about being my running mate? Nevermind.

8. Ralph Nader here, glad to hear I’m not the only politician who has to pay for it

7. I’m calling from the ‘New York Post.’ Would you rather be known as ‘Disgraced Gov Perv’ or ‘Humiliated Whore Fiend’?

6. This is John McCain, if it makes you feel better, I once got caught having sex with Lincoln’s wife

5. It’s Dr. Phil, call me if you need any horse**** advice

4. This is Senator Larry Craig. Do you ever go through the Minneapolis airport?

3. It’s Wolf Blitzer. Call me if you ever want a hot Spitzer-Blitzer three-way

2. Paris Hilton here. I would have done it for free

1. It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks, I’m no longer America’s creepiest governor

Popularity: 12% [?]

I found this awesome amateur music clip on Eve’s blog end of ten:

They are called Naturally 7 and they perform in a style they call “vocal speak”. They use absolutely no instruments—just their voices. As you watch them–you cannot believe there are no drums, bass, etc. Here is a clip I found of them on the Paris Subway. This video cracks me up. Especially the woman who basically coughs on them mid way through. Enjoy.


Naturally 7

Popularity: 5% [?]

The 80’s were a wonderful time of growth for both the NFL and rap music. And like anyone who looks back on their time growing up, there are bound to be some embarrassing moments. With the Super Bowl 3 days away I thought this article on Terrible NFL Rap Songs was just the piece of overlooked analysis that can make a 4 hour pre-game show palatable.

Of course everyone knows about the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle video, but did you know that the Rams and 49ers also made videos? In fact the Rams video was clearly the best of this bunch:

LA Rams - Rammin’ It
Okay, when a bearded man in stretch pants sings, “I like to ram it as you can see, no one likes to ram it more than me,” you potentially leave yourself open to ridicule. The only thing missing in this video is a backdrop of two dudes 69ing.

Talk about your catchy tunes. I’m sure it’ll be stuck in my head and at the most inappropriate of times, I’ll start singing “Let’s Ram it. Weeee’re gonna Ram it. Let’s Ram it.” Of course, not lost in the double entendre humor is where Eric Dickerson says that his nickname is Dick. Now (no lie) people call him E.D. Oh, the humor just writes itself.

The Raiders’ video looked like the most polished of the bunch. I mean - when you can get Howie Long, Matt Millen, and Head Coach Tom Flores to rap in your video, you almost think that this was an official Team project! I also think there may have been a little Milli Vanilli action going on on all these videos as I really doubt that a bunch of football players, including Lester Hayes, could really rap at that speed without mistakes. They would have run out of film!

Notable for his non-appearance in the Dolphins video especially in clips of the Dolphins’ games was Dan Marino. I’m sure it had something to do with a likeness licensing deal. Also of note, Walter Payton’s dance part in the video had to be dubbed in later via green screen because he couldn’t make the original shoot.

Let’s Ram it!

Popularity: 10% [?]

I always knew Snoop was the baddest even back when he was that cool voice saying “1 8 7 on an undercover cop” and his 70’s-esque video for Doggy Dogg World with my man Ta-Dow. But this is the icing on the cake for me. Check out Snoop’s Sensual Seduction video. It’s the clean version of Sexual Eruption from his Ego Trippin’ album due out next year. I might even buy it - and I hate the RIAA!

Talk about bringing back the old school, man. Notice the VCR-style play indicator, the hairstyles, the gui-board, and of course, him singing! Into a talk box! And I’m not the only one who feels like this is the shit.

This video is amazing, don’t skip by this one: watch it! Neophytes might cry that Snoop owes T-Pain royalties but real West Coast and funk afficianados know Snoop’s love of the talkbox (that’s the old school version of Autotune aka the Vocoder) has deeper roots. Video of the year contender, no doubt!

I’m gonna be singing this in my head for a while!

Popularity: 4% [?]

• Hip-Hop Is Read: Wu-Tang Exclusives (again): Back-to-Back-to-Back World Premieres http://tinyurl.com/24egej This should be interesting #
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