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Chinese astronauts wave to cameras, remove make-up, drive home.

Chinese publish tales from space, even before take-off - Times Online

With a burst of flame and smoke, a Chinese rocket blasted off into orbit yesterday. But it was the state news agency that moved faster than the speed of light, publishing the transcript of an “in-space” conversation between the astronauts before they had even left Earth.

The Xinhua news agency posted an article on its website breathlessly describing the Shenzhou VII spacecraft in orbit and quoting exchanges between the crew, possibly during the most important part of the mission: China’s first spacewalk. The only problem was that the crew were still on terra firma.

The story had disappeared by the end of the day and its appearance was described as a technical error. The gaffe highlighted China’s readiness to resort to sleight of hand — if not outright fakery — to present a perfect public image, such as the little girl who lip-synched at the Olympics opening ceremony because the child who did the actual singing was not deemed pretty enough.

Back in real time, China yesterday really did launch the riskiest mission so far of its fledgeling space programme, sending three astronauts on a voyage whose highlight will be the space walk.

I guess his forclosure/bankruptcy was worse than we thought

McGangsta: Ed McMahon to rap in viral videos

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Ed McMahon has an unexpected new job title: rapper. The 85-year-old former “Tonight Show” sidekick will star in two viral rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com, a financial Web site owned by credit bureau Experian.

The videos feature McMahon wearing a tracksuit, being chauffeured around Los Angeles in a Cadillac Escalade golf cart and waxing lyrical about his very public financial troubles.

“I knew I could sing the blues, but I didn’t know I could rap,” McMahon said Wednesday.

The videos will appear online in October.

Charles Harris, FreeCreditReport.com’s vice president of strategic marketing, said the company sought out McMahon to star in the humorous spots after seeing him openly discuss his finances on “Larry King Live.” Harris said McMahon represents “a man who is taking charge.”

The only illusion here is that people are still paying this guy. What? ABC couldn’t find anymore “funniest home videos” to fill the timeslot?

The Blaine Game - No dive, no death

Illusionist David Blaine’s upside-down stunt in New York has been labelled a sham by onlookers, while he has admitted it ended in failure.

The crowd gathered in Central Park booed as he was lowered on a rope attached to the metal harness used to suspend him upside down for 60 hours, the Daily Mail reports.

Blaine, 35, was accused of cheating after taking breaks to go to the toilet, drink and receive routine checks by a doctor, but said he had always intended to take the breaks.

“I think the confusion that people had is they didn’t understand: ‘why is he taking breaks’,” Blaine said.

“The truth of the matter is there’s no way to relieve yourself and not put everybody beneath you at risk, basically.”

“I had to keep hydrated since I was fasting - if I was eating then I would need to take real breaks.”

The New York Daily News reports that before being hoisted above the ground, he told reporters he intended to drink through a straw and urinate through a catheter during the stunt.

‘Give us a break’ their headline read, saying there were more boos than cheers.

But Blaine took five-to-ten minute breaks every hour, standing upright on a cherry picker as he drank water and went to the toilet.

“I’m not going to pee all over myself to satisfy those people,” he said.

Blaine also blamed his failed “Dive of Death’ finish on a delay caused by President George Bush’s TV address on the state of the economy.

He said strong winds forced to him to cancel a 44ft plunge to the ground as the dramatic ending.

The Daily Mail reports that he should have been lowered at 9pm on Wednesday night, but had to wait an extra 15 minutes.

Blaine said while waiting for the address to finish the wind picked up and producers of his TV special advised him against the spectacular ending.

He accepted people were left disappointed by the stunt.

“I knew that it didn’t work right when all my friends called me up and said: ‘Wait, what happened, I’m confused’,” he said.

Critics said the ‘Dive of Death’ title was deliberately misleading as ‘there was no dive and thanks to regular breaks when he was allowed to stand upright with little risk of death’, the Daily Mail reports.

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Saw this story on Engadget:

It’s a crazy, mixed-up world we live in. If we aren’t worrying about global warming or peace in the middle east, we have to be on the lookout for scorned women setting large quantities of mobile devices on fire. A certain Mrs. Wang is guilty of that latter offense. The 37-year-old Chinese woman wasn’t particularly stoked about her husband walking out on their marriage, so she did the only reasonable thing that presented itself: rounded up the entire stock of more than 400 phones the couple had at their joint-owned cellphone shop, and set the entire lot ablaze — inside her home. The collection was valued at roughly 300,000 yuan, about $42,000 US. You might want to take this time to inform your significant other how sane, rational and sexy he or she is, while simultaneously removing all lighter fluid from your home. No gadget is safe!

Hilarious. But it would have been even better if they owned a hemp store?

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So I’m browsing The Consumerist looking for rip-off alerts and I come across these two excellent posts that prove that 2008 is going to be a bang up year:

Woman Asked To Leave After Shopping At Walmart For 72 Hours

Police escorted a woman home after she was shopping, eating, and sleeping in a Georgia Walmart for three days straight. She blended in with the general Christmas madness and sustained herself by eating at the on-site Blimpie. When asked by employees at the end why she stayed for so long, she said, “I’m shopping.”

Woman Stays At Gwinnett Wal-Mart For Three Days [WSBTV2 via BoingBoing]

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Chuck Norris: “I Can’t Do All That Stuff”

Chuck Norris is suing publisher Penguin and author Ian Spector over the book “The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World’s Greatest Human”. Among other claims, the suit states that the “book’s title would mislead readers into thinking the facts were true.” This means that apparently Chuck Norris cannot cure your cancer with his tears, he did not create a giraffe by uppercutting a horse, and he cannot speak braille. If only Kevin Trudeau could be so honest.

“Chuck Norris sues, says his tears no cancer cure” [Reuters]

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• English Premiership in America? They seem to think so: http://tinyurl.com/33ac3a http://tinyurl.com/3dyapl http://tinyurl.com/3cf5t9 #
• Pictures from Dolphins Giants in London’s Wembley Stadium http://tinyurl.com/ywqldc #
• Memo to Larry Coker: Discipline works! http://tinyurl.com/2xblmh #
• Kids love to pole dance http://tinyurl.com/2t4lz7 #
• Stacy Peterson missing. Described as “young, beautiful mother” - I can bet CNN’s news directors are having wet dreams. #
• Amy Fisher has a sex tape? http://tinyurl.com/3xqfgd “in a stunning twist … the tape ends with Amy Fisher getting shot in the face.” #

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Wrecked ‘Em Tool

Naked man arrested for concealed weapon: EL CERRITO, Calif. (AP) — A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said. The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said. John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan. “You can’t get much more concealed than that,” Horgan said. Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident. Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon. “When you’re talking about an awl or an ice pick and you’re dealing with somebody who’s fresh out of prison, it’s a weapon. That’s a stabbing instrument,” Horgan said. It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.

Bad Halloween Costume Choices

Trick’s on N.Y. jail officials as ex-inmate trick-or-treating in jumpsuit prompts lockdown: WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — A jail went into lockdown and recounted its prisoners on Halloween night after a former inmate was spotted trick-or-treating in his old orange prisoner’s jumpsuit. “Bad choice of costume,” said Susan Tolchin, chief adviser to Westchester County Executive Andrew Spano. The former inmate, Oscar Aponte, was taking his daughter trick-or-treating in Peekskill on Tuesday night when a county correction officer — also out trick-or-treating with her child — spotted the familiar jumpsuit, Tolchin said. “She confronted him, and he ran and drove off,” Tolchin said. The officer took down the man’s license plate and called authorities. The jail went into lockdown until a prisoner count established that no one was missing. Meanwhile, police found Aponte, confiscated the genuine jumpsuit and let him go. Aponte was arrested and charged Wednesday with petty larceny and possession of stolen property, both misdemeanors, Tolchin said. She said prisoners are not permitted to take their jumpsuits home when they are released. There was no telephone listing for Aponte’s address. Aponte was in the jail from May to September for violating probation on a drunken driving charge.

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Why won’t she just go away? That money should be considered a crazy stipend.

Runaway Bride Suing Former Groom: Atlanta, GA (AHN) - A bride-to-be who ran out on her husband and launched a nationwide manhunt for her after she dissappeared, is now suinig her former fiance. Jennifer Wilbanks says her groom-to-be, John Mason, is “capitalizing on their story.” According to UPI, in court papers filed in Gwinnett County, Jennifer Wilbanks says John Mason got a power of attorney while she was in the hospital, sold the story for $500,000 to Regan Media and used the proceeds to buy a house, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. She wants her share of the money and a number of household items. Wilbanks received national attention when she went missing a year ago, and was found across the country in Albequerque, New Mexico, days later. Wilbanks gave police a story about how she was kidnapped, yet upon investigation, it was revealed she simply split town on her own.

Does the horse have to be drunk too?

Georgia Woman Gets DUI On Horseback: (AHN) - A Georgia woman was cited for a DUI while riding a horse after she steered the animal into traffic. A Pontiac Bonneville struck the horse injuring two young passengers and the driver. Heather Darnell, 22, of Mountain City was airlifted to the Gwinnett Medical Center in Lawrenceville, Ga and the horse reportedly survived the incident. Ancella Gragg, 32, a 13-year-old girl and 9-year-old boy were all treated at Mountain Lakes Medical Center in Clayton, Ga. Trooper Anthony Coleman said the woman was charged with a DUI because she was on a public road. She was also cited for entering a traffic lane. He said, “If it’s on the public right-of-way, you’re under the same jurisdiction as if you’re in a car.”

I wonder if he was drunk when he made his escape

Trail of beer, clothes leads to beer truck bandit: CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - A man suspected of stealing a loaded beer truck was nabbed after a police dog followed a trail of beer and clothes to find him hiding on top of a porch, Edmonton police said on Tuesday. The police dog was called out to a parking lot in the western Canadian city on Monday morning where a beer delivery truck, recently stolen outside a liquor store, had been abandoned after a collision. Edmonton police spokeswoman Karen Carlson said the dog and its handler followed a trail of discarded beer, a cooler, a hand cart and pieces of clothing to a nearby apartment building. “I guess the dog had a pretty good scent to go on,” Carlson said. Just as police readied to enter the apartment building, the suspect was seen climbing out of a second-storey window and on to the roof of the building’s porch. Police said the man was arrested without incident and charged with theft and hit and run.

Someone needs to be grabbed by the short hairs for this one

Michigan County Spends $40,000 After Misspelling “Public”: (AHN) - One Michigan County will spend $40,000 after spelling the word “public” wrong on 170,000 Nov. 7 election ballots. The ballot was proofread five times yet the “L” in the word was still left out. County Clerk Daniel C. Krueger said, “It’s just one of those words. Even after we told people it was in there, they still read over it.” The word was used six times in the ballot but was only misspelled once. An election clerk found the mistake early last week. Now all 170,000 ballots must be reprinted.

I’ve had it with these MF snakes in my MF truck stop!

Snake surprises truck driver: A lorry driver who stopped for a toilet break in a layby got a shock when he discovered he was being watched by an 8ft python. The snake weaved its way toward his feet as he stopped for the break on the A59, near York. He called police who alerted RSPCA staff, reports the York Press. Animal collection officer Helen Martindale said: “The python had wrapped itself around one the branches of the tree and was sitting there staring at us. “It was much bigger than any snakes I’ve dealt with before. Occasionally, we’ve had corn snakes that have escaped, but nothing like this. “The lorry driver said he got the shock of his life when he saw it crawling out of the bushes.” It is thought the snake was abandoned or escaped from a local house. The snake was put in a box and taken to a sanctuary in Knaresborough.

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