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January 30, 2010

John Terry Wayne Bridge Jokes



 

The Press Association: Terry refuses to comment on claims

England football captain John Terry turned out to skipper Chelsea after refusing to comment on allegations that he had an affair with the girlfriend of a team-mate. Terry cheated on his wife Toni with French underwear model Vanessa Perroncel, then the girlfriend of former Chelsea defender Wayne Bridge, it was alleged in newspaper reports.

oh dear – well – here goes:

Wayne Bridge’s wife must be a goalpost in Moscow because John Terry hit it.

Wayne Bridge sent his missus a replica of his cock made from Cadburys chocolate. She said that she prefers Terrys

Capello is expected to name Gary Neville as the new England Captain since he hasn’t got a chance of sleeping with anyone’s wife.

John Terry has scored away from home again – this time it wasn’t Wayne Bridge’s girl.

Well, Wayne Bridge is always injured, someone had to step in and do it.

I don’t know why everyone is giving John Terry such a hard time.
As a footballer, getting a girl to consent is a rarity, he should be commended.

BREAKING: John Terry is set to appear before the Iraq inquiry after alleged secret meetings with Bush

John Terry has “vowed to give everything to the team”. Yeah, syphilis… chlamydia… warts… herpes…

I knew JT liked scoring at The Bridge, but this is just ridiculous.

“Hi, I’m John Terry and sneaking out Windows was my idea.”

John Terry to star in new TV program “Other Footballers Wives”

After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans want Terry to try it on with Emile Heskey’s wife.

At the end of February, Chelsea are playing away from home between two European legs. Something John Terry will be more than familiar with.

Same old Terry, always cheating.

Q: What do Wayne Bridge and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both should’ve stayed at Southampton.

Ashley Cole was stopped for speeding in London. When the police ask him to explain, he says: “I just heard that John Terry’s parked outside my house!”

What’s Wayne Bridge’s wife got in common with a Champions League final goalpost? They’ve both been banged by John Terry…

Pity, Wayne Bridge wasn’t even first choice with his wife!

Somebody bought me some terry’s all gold today. was suprised to find new chocolates called ‘bigamy’ and ‘coward’

Gag order lifted in Terry case? That’s what SHE said!

JT said he didn’t mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel – he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

Songs: To the tune of Simple Gifts (Lord of the Dance)

Chelsea, wherever you may be,
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry,
He’ll take her to a clinic in a back alley,
And then he’ll fuck off to the UAE

Chelsea, wherever you may be,
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry,
He’ll whinge and he’ll cry, and he’ll piss off to Dubai
While the captaincy decision is nigh

Chelsea, Wherever you may be,
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry.
Cuz he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff,
And he’ll get your missus up the duff

Terry … his whole family
can’t stay away from the scrutiny
whether selling dust or nicking groceries
now it’s fratricide with adultery

Chelsea wherever you may be,
Don’t trust your wives with John Terry,
His dad sells crack, his mum is a thief
He cries when he misses a penalty!

Another song to The Addams Family:
They say his mum’s a stealer,
They say his dad’s a dealer,
He’s screwing his mate’s Sheila,
The Terry Family”.

To sum it all up: John Terry cheats, can’t keep a clean sheet and scores away from home.

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December 3, 2009

EX WE CAN!! [Obama Ecstasy pills hit the streets]

Filed under: Hardly Newsworthy, Humor, Obama — Tags: , , — webadmin @ 2:47 pm


 

PALMVIEW, Texas – President Barack Obama’s approval rating may be hovering in the 50 percent range, but that doesn’t mean America’s Commander-in-Chief isn’t catching on with new constituents. There is now a line of Ecstasy pills made in the image of the 44th president of the United States, according to Texas police who have snatched a batch off the streets. Ecstasy is known for a sense of elation, diminished feelings of fear and anxiety, and ability to induce a sense of intimacy with others. Perhaps a good Election Day strategy to get out the vote? A stash of the brightly colored tablets was found Monday during a south Texas traffic stop. Police in Palmview detained a driver after finding black tar heroin, cocaine, marijuana and several Ecstasy pills in the back of his car. The drugs look like a “vitamin for kids,” police spokesman Lenny Sanchez said. Police say that other Ecstasy pills they found were made to look like the cartoon characters Homer Simpson and the Smurfs. The 22-year-old driver is expected to face felony drug possession counts. almview is near the border with Mexico. No word on the driver’s political affiliation.

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November 23, 2009

[Target Practice | www.peopleofwalmart.com] Hilarious caption on this one!

Filed under: Humor, Wal-Mart, Walmart — Tags: , , — webadmin @ 5:48 am


 
544
Hey Cletus, here’s a Muppet News Flash…….dem bucks can’t see you, so you don’t have to hide.

Why is this funny?

1. Hey Cletus
2. Muppet News Flash
3. dem bucks

Funny comments:

1. What? He’s just practicing for Sunday.
2. I really thought this was my ex-husband for a minute. I just died….in a fit of laughter. Not because of this one picture. But because more than one of these pictures on this website have been mistaken for him.
3. Given the type that is usually found here we can assess that not only is this the most normal outfit we’ve seen in Wal*Mart but he’s fully dressed too!!! And thank God for small favors

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November 22, 2009

[Looks Comfy] – I’m late to this www.peopleofwalmart.com party

Filed under: Humor, Wal-Mart, Walmart — webadmin @ 8:35 am


 
577
Hola, bienvenido a McDonald’s en Walmart. Te gustaria tomar una siesta?

buenisimo!

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Stop Smoking with Nicotrel!

Filed under: Humor, Video — Tags: , , , , — webadmin @ 7:03 am


 

roid rage is powerful!

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November 19, 2009

[Patriots Lead Colts At Halftime | The Onion] – I’m still laughing hahaha

Filed under: Humor, Indianapolis Colts, NFL, New England Patriots, Parody — Tags: — webadmin @ 7:13 pm


 
Colts Pats

INDIANAPOLIS—As of press time, the New England Patriots, playing on the road against an undefeated Indianapolis team, are headed into halftime with an all-but-insurmountable 24-14 lead.

Barring an almost inconceivable and utterly out-of-character mistake by head coach Bill Belichick, the Patriots have virtually secured a week 10 win against their closest rivals for AFC dominance.

No Belichick-coached Patriots team has ever led by this much at halftime and gone on to lose the game.

“If we just keep playing smart Patriots football, I don’t see any reason why we won’t come out on top,” Belichick told reporters, jogging to the locker room with his team as the second-quarter clock expired. “The only time they’ve been able to stop us is on on short-yardage passing plays, so if we’re careful to execute and avoid any situation where we give Peyton Manning excellent field position, I’m extremely confident we’ll leave here with a ‘W.’”

“Really, very confident,” the usually reticent Belichick added. “Very.”

Under Belichick, the Patriots have come to be regarded as the team that is hardest to defeat when it carries a lead into halftime. No other coach is thought to share Belichick’s calculating, almost mechanical ability to disregard emotion and analyze the situation on the field, and he is widely respected for always having confidence in his offensive or defensive unit to make the necessary play.

“We had hoped to get ahead quickly, but that just didn’t pan out,” said Colts head coach Jim Caldwell, whose eight-game winning streak is by any rational evaluation almost certainly over. “The Patriots are just too clever, and Bill [Belichick] is just too smart, too tough a customer.”

“If you’re going to wait for Bill Belichick to get overconfident and screw up, you’re in for a long day,” Caldwell added. “Just doesn’t happen.”

Thus far, both Brady’s arm and the Patriots’ receivers have been characteristically sharp. There have been few notable miscues, save a short two-yard pass to running back Kevin Faulk that was bobbled and dropped at the halftime two-minute warning, a mistake that was almost certainly noted by Patriots coaches and will be corrected for in second-half adjustments.

The Colts offense, however, with Manning’s young receiving corps, has committed several significant errors. But the Indianapolis defense has fared even worse, and has only been able to stop pass plays of four yards or fewer, an insignificant advantage that a seasoned coach like Belichick will find easy to avoid.

“We have to do a better job in the second half, there’s no question about that,” Manning said while heading to the tunnel. “Problem is, the Pats simply never, ever, ever hand the game to you. You have to earn it. If we sit back and wait for them to screw up, we’re sunk, plain and simple.”

Sunday Night Football commentator Cris Collinsworth agreed, saying that the Patriots could basically ride Belichick’s cool, conservative play-calling and their tremendously competent defense to victory.

“Even though the Colts scored first, Belichick has to be feeling good about the way his young defense is playing,” Collinsworth said during his halftime breakdown of the game. “Holding Peyton Manning to just 14 points is no small feat. It must be great for them, knowing that their coach trusts them to make plays.”

and FFS it was a correct spot. He didn’t have two feet down after he secured the ball so the catch isn’t a catch until he hits the ground … behind the first down marker.

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October 5, 2009

Funny Pictures

Filed under: Humor, Parody, Sillyness — Tags: , , — webadmin @ 6:28 pm


 

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September 29, 2009

For The Ladies

Filed under: Blogging, Humor, Parody, social networking — Tags: , , , — webadmin @ 12:05 pm


 

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September 18, 2009

Potluck Pix

Filed under: Humor, Jokes, Parody — Tags: , , — webadmin @ 10:09 pm


 














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Eyewitless News

Filed under: Hardly Newsworthy, Humor — Tags: , — webadmin @ 11:15 am


 

Toddler buys earthmover in online auction

A New Zealand mom made some online bids on toys before napping. Then her 3-year-old daughter took over and bought a bigger plaything than expected — a huge earth-moving digger for a cool $12,300. Pipi Quinlan made the winning 20,000 New Zealand dollar ($12,300) bid on the Kobelco digger with a few mouse clicks at the auction site TradeMe while her parents slept, the Rodney Times newspaper reported in northern New Zealand. “The first I knew about it was when I came down and opened up the computer,” said Pipi’s mother, Sarah Quinlan. “I saw an e-mail from TradeMe saying I had won an auction and another e-mail from the seller saying something like `I think you’ll love this digger,’” she was quoted as saying in the paper. Quinlan said she had made auction bids on several toy sets and assumed she had bought a toy digger. “It wasn’t until I went back and reread the e-mails that I saw $20,000 — and got the shock of my life.” She immediately called the auction site and the seller to explain what happened. TradeMe reimbursed the seller’s costs for the auction and the digger was relisted.

Apparently drunk man run over by own truck

TOBYHANNA – A man trying to use the gate keypad at A Pocono Country Place apparently was so intoxicated he fell out of his pickup truck, which then rolled over his leg. When Police responded, they found Raymond Vangeldren, 52, on the ground, and the truck some distance away in a group of trees. Vangeldren was run over by a rear tire and not seriously hurt. He was taken to Pocono Medical Center where he agreed to undergo a blood test. Charges of DUI are pending results of the test.

Hearse driver stops at bar, keeps dead man’s family waiting

Bogota, May 26 (EFE) A dead man’s family had to wait for hours at a cemetery in Colombia, as the hearse driver went to have a few beers, leaving the vehicle carrying the corpse outside a motel. Relatives of Tito Vasquez, who died Saturday, as well as dozens of friends, waited for several hours Sunday at the Campos de Cristo cemetery in suburban Bogota for the hearse to arrive so that they could bury him. The body originally had been picked up by a hearse so that it could be taken to the funeral home to be embalmed and prepared for burial, and after that it was placed in the establishment’s viewing room, where friends and relatives paid their last respects. “But neither Tito nor the vehicle nor the conductor arrived at the cemetery” for the burial, the daily El Tiempo reported. Vasquez had no enemies during his life, his relatives said while they waited at the cemetery, and they could not understand why his body was not being delivered for the funeral. In the face of the lack of an adequate answer from the funeral home – which apparently was just as mystified as to what had happened to the body – some of the relatives reported the body missing. Police reported Sunday night that the Vasquez’s body was found in the hearse in the parking lot of a motel in Bogota’s San Bernardo neighbourhood. The hearse driver, it seems, had parked the hearse – body and all – there while he went in to El Imperio to have a few beers. “Still, nobody knows what the conditions were under which the body was found or what will happen to the driver, and the indemnity that the (funeral home) will pay for the damage done to the family of the deceased,” the Bogota daily said. The burial was later planned for Monday.

Powerball Jackpot Winner In South Dakota – Omaha News Story – KETV Omaha

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — The winning Powerball jackpot ticket worth $232 million sold in South Dakota has yet to come forward. State lottery officials plan to hold a news conference Thursday morning in Pierre to offer details. Out of the millions of tickets sold for Wednesday night’s drawing, only one matched all six winning numbers: five, six, twelve, 16 and 21. The Powerball was seven. A dozen players came close to the big money by matching five of the six winning numbers. Each of those tickets is worth at least $200,000 dollars. They were sold in Colorado, Florida, Indiana, Minnesota, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, South Carolina and Wisconsin. Powerball is played in 30 states, Washington, D.C. and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

Nicotine fit: Police say cigarette bandit wore Bud Light carton on his head as disguise — baltimoresun.com

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) — Police in Nebraska are looking a man who stole cigarettes while disguising himself with a beer carton on his head. Lincoln police Capt. Bob Kawamoto said the man walked into a Kwik Shop convenience store before dawn Monday wearing an empty Bud Light box on his head as a mask. Kawamoto said the man also had wrapped something around one of his hands, suggesting he was armed. But the man never showed a weapon. Police said the bandit left with nine packs of smokes valued at nearly $50. Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said Tuesday morning that the robbery was captured on video. She said the man also dropped the empty 12-pack box as he fled, and it will be checked for fingerprints.

Nearly 200 prisoners to bicycle across France – Collegenews.

Next month, almost 200 men will bicycling across France to promote effort and teamwork. Sure, It seems like a great idea. But did I mention these men are prisoners? Before jumping to conclusions, keep in mind that the convicts will all be under the supervision of guards who are also participating in the prisoners’ first Tour de France. Participants hoping to snag an easy getaway by outracing the pack should rethink their strategies as authorities say “breakaway sprints” are not permitted. According to Reuters, the 196 prisoners will be cycling along with 124 guards and prison sports instructors. No rankings will be administered as the idea of the Tour de France is for prisoners to withhold strong teamwork ethics. One 48-year-old inmate Daniel, whose last name was not given, describes the upcoming event as an escape for him and the other prisoners saying to Reuters that was “a chance to break away from the daily reality of prison” that he endures in Nantes, France.

Missing Juice Box Leads Man To Dial 911 – Portland News Story – KPTV Portland

HILLSBORO, Ore. — A man who called 911 to complain that McDonalds left a juice box out of his drive-through order was arrested Monday. Raibin Osman appeared before a Washington County judge Tuesday on a charge of misusing emergency services. He said he called emergency dispatchers after the drive-through employee wouldnt come back to the window to give him the juice box.
“We ordered some food and we went home and our order wasnt in there,” Osman said in the 911 call. “And my little brother is crying for his orange juice and stuff.” Osmans father, Raof, said the 911 call was an innocent mistake and that it escalated when the McDonalds employee laughed at the poor English of his son-in-law. He said his son dialed 911 in hopes of having deputies help him get the food. “We came back with our receipt and said, Hey, can we have our order? We paid for it,” Osman told the emergency dispatcher in the 911 call. “And she was like, Oh, no, I cant do anything about it. And she was laughing at my brother-in-law because he ordered the food and couldnt speak English right.” Meanwhile, the McDonalds employee also called 911 after feeling threatened by the men. “I show them that everything was correct and they got mad and told me to give them more food,” the employee said in the 911 call. “And I told them, I cant give any free food away.” When deputies arrived, Raibin Osman admitted it was not an emergency call but said he didnt know what number to use, according to the sheriffs office.

Politician’s Novel Idea for Mexican Tourism – Statue of Swine Flu Survivor – NYTimes.com

MEXICO CITY — Édgar Hernández, the Mexican kindergartner who is the first person known to have contracted the swine flu now circling the globe, may soon have a statue erected in his honor in the mountain village where he lives. Gov. Fidel Herrera of the coastal state of Veracruz said the statue of Édgar, 5, could help attract tourists to La Gloria, a poor village where hundreds of residents came down with mysterious flulike symptoms beginning in late winter, in what experts say may have been the beginning of the spread of the new influenza strain. As of Monday, the World Health Organization had tabulated 12,515 confirmed cases of swine flu, with 91 deaths.

The Mexican government has been pushing the view that the flu strain originated elsewhere and was brought to Mexico, which epidemiologists say remains a possibility. Mr. Herrera, an eccentric politician from the opposition Revolutionary Institutional Party, agrees. He considers Édgar to be not “Patient Zero,” the source of a global outbreak, but rather the first person in the world known to have survived the virus. In an interview with local reporters on Sunday, the governor likened the statue, which might be made of concrete or bronze, to the Manneken Pis in Brussels, the sculpture of a little boy peeing in a fountain. Édgar, a personable boy who wears his hair slicked back with gel, suffered flulike symptoms in early March but recovered after what his mother described as a few listless days home in bed.

AFP: Jogger runs mile with rabid fox locked to arm

LOS ANGELES (AFP) – A woman jogger ran for a mile with a rabid fox clamped to her arm before locking the animal in the trunk of her car and racing to hospital for treatment, police said Thursday. Michelle Felicetta was out running on a trail at the base of Granite Mountain near Prescott, northern Arizona on Monday when she came face-to-face with the fox in a clearing, Yavapai County Sheriff’s Office said. The woman attempted to back away from the animal but as she did so the fox lunged and sunk its teeth into her feet. After grabbing the animal by the neck the fox bit Felicetta on the arm and would not release his grip. The quick-thinking jogger realized she would need to keep the animal for testing so ran back to her car where she managed to prise its jaws open before throwing it in the trunk and driving to hospital. The fox also bit an animal control officer who attempted to remove it from Felicetta’s car. Both Felicetta and the animal officer will have to now undergo a series of vaccinations for treatment. “This fox made eye contact with me and started walking towards me,” Felicetta later told KPHO local television. “That’s when I knew something was really wrong.”

Deseret News | ‘Musical’ switched for ‘Sex’ in Megaplex mix-up

SOUTH JORDAN – Some Utahns attending the weekend opening of Disney’s biggest movie of the year were exposed to a little more than they were expecting. Friday night, managers at the Megaplex Theatre at the District, 11400 South Bangerter Highway, switched one of the showings of “High School Musical 3: Senior Year” to a larger auditorium to accommodate more people. They forgot, however, to switch the movie that had previously been scheduled for the room. So rather than the family-friendly, G-rated “High School Musical 3,” the beginning of the very nonfamily-friendly R-rated “Sex Drive” came on the screen. The opening minutes of the movie include nudity.

“I could not carry my little children out before they were exposed to extremely vulgar and sexually explicit material,” one parent complained in an e-mail to the Deseret News. The film was stopped as soon as the mistake was realized. It was not known Tuesday how long the movie ran until it was turned off. Megaplex spokesman Jeff Whipple said “Sex Drive” was only on the screen briefly.

Theater managers apologized to the audience and gave everyone free movie passes and concession vouchers. For future movies. Whipple said a policy of secondary confirmation and personal supervision by a theater manager will be required before a movie is shown. The District Theatre was the 10th busiest in the nation for “High School Musical 3″ ticket sales, Whipple said.

Naked Japan major nabbed with women’s underwear | Oddly Enough | Reuters

TOKYO (Reuters) – A male Japanese air force major caught naked while shopping for women’s underwear has been suspended from his duties for 10 days, a spokeswoman at his base said on Friday. The man, on his way home from a late-night farewell party for a colleague in early September, stripped off his clothes behind a convenience store before going in and buying panties and pantyhose. “He had just his wallet and his shoes on him,” said the spokeswoman from the Matsushima air base in Miyagi, northern Japan. “He thought it would be funny if he went into the store stark naked, that it would surprise people.” There was no one else in the store but the store clerk, who called the police shortly after the man left the store. Papers were filed against him on suspicion of indecent exposure. The incident follows a series of scandals for Japan’s military. The air force’s top general was sacked last week for saying Japan was not an aggressor in World War Two, angering China and South Korea where bitter memories remain over Tokyo’s past military aggression.

Woman Killed By Husband’s Coffin In Hearse On Way To His Funeral – CityNews

A woman in the Brazilian state of Rio Grande do Sul has been killed in a tragic accident. But it wasn’t a car that struck down the 67-year-old. It was a coffin – carrying the remains of her husband. Marciana Barcelos was in the front passenger seat of a hearse on her way to her spouse’s funeral when the vehicle suddenly came to a screeching halt in a traffic mishap, hurling the coffin at high speeds into the back of her neck. It struck her with such force that the blow was instantly fatal. Barcelos was on her way to bury her 76-year-old husband, who had died on Sunday from a heart attack while dancing at a party. The driver of the hearse and the victim’s son suffered only minor injuries. There’s no word on whether the funeral took place, but now a family already mired in terrible tragedy will be planning a second one.

Nebraska fears rush to drop off kids before haven law change – CNN.com

OMAHA, Nebraska (CNN) — Nebraska officials said they’re concerned about an apparent rush by parents to drop their teenage children off at hospitals before lawmakers change the state’s troubled “safe haven” law. The latest cases came the day before the state Legislature kicked off a special session to add an age limit to the law. On Thursday, a boy, 14, and his 17-year-old sister were dropped off at an Omaha hospital; the girl ran away from the hospital, officials said. A 5-year-old boy was left by his mother at a different hospital, officials said. The day before, a father flew in from Miami, Florida, to leave his teenage son at a hospital, officials said. “Please don’t bring your teenager to Nebraska,” Gov. Dave Heineman said. “Think of what you are saying. You are saying you no longer support them. You no longer love them.”

Nebraska’s safe haven law was intended to allow parents to hand over an infant anonymously to a hospital without being prosecuted. Of the 34 children who have been dropped off at hospitals, officials said, not one has been an infant. All but six have been older than 10, according to a Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services analysis. State officials said that because of legislative procedures, it will take at least a week to change the language of the safe haven law, creating a window where more parents could try to take advantage of the loophole in the statute. “We are ready and prepared that that situation occurs,” said Todd Landry of the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services. “We want people to understand that this is not the right way of getting the service for your child, your teenager or your family.”

Karaoke rage. – By Brian Raftery – Slate Magazine

Last November, an inebriated 24-year-old with the woefully apt name of Kyle Drinkwine was found by police in the back of a Wisconsin alley, his hands covered in blood. According to testimony compiled by the Smoking Gun, Drinkwine had spent the evening unwinding at Emma’s Bar, a local watering hole that was hosting a karaoke night. Shortly after performing an Eminem song, he allegedly became so enraged by another patron’s version of “Holy Diver” – the 1983 anthem by heavy-metal patriarch Ronnie James Dio – that he assaulted the singer and his friend and fled when police arrived. “This had started over one’s ability to sing karaoke,” notes the arrest report, which reads like a Mike Judge novella. Drinkwine’s sad, stupid plight wasn’t an isolated incident: In August 2007, a Seattle man was assaulted onstage during a karaoke rendition of Coldplay’s “Yellow,” while last December, a San Diego man encored his karaoke set by walking toward the crowd and attacking an audience member. And in Asia, there’s been a string of karaoke-bar stabbings and shootings, including a horrific incident in Bangkok in which eight amateur singers were murdered by their neighbor, reportedly due in part to his hatred of John Denver’s “Country Roads.”

AFP: Obese Canada inmate released because Big House too small

OTTAWA (AFP) – A morbidly obese Canadian inmate has been released months ahead of schedule because his prison was not adequately suited to hold a man of his girth, a parole board said Thursday. Michel “Big Mike” Lapointe, 37, had pleaded guilty to drug trafficking in February and in May was sentenced to five years in prison, less 20 months served awaiting trial. But a judge later reduced his sentence because of hardships the 430-pound (195-kilogram) man claimed to have endured in a prison designed for smaller criminals. This week, the Quebec Parole Board granted him early parole, saying in its decision he had been jailed for 25 months under “difficult conditions due to his health.” The parole board also noted that two halfway houses — residences designed to help convicts transition from jail back into society — had refused to take him in, and that he was well-behaved during his incarceration. Lapointe, a former accountant for a drug-trafficking ring, would not normally have been eligible for parole until February 2009, but according to his lawyer Clemente Monterosso, his health was deteriorating. His jail cell bed was a foot (25 centimeters) narrower than his body and he could not even sit on a chair, Monterosso said in May. “Finally it`s over,” Lapointe told the daily Journal de Montreal on Wednesday. “I want a normal life. I made some mistakes and I paid for them.” “Now, I will finally have a decent bed and a chair I can sit on,” he said.

Sexually-charged `cougar cruise` on deck for Carnival ship – Cruise Log – USATODAY.com

First a cruise for swingers. Now a voyage for . . . cougars. That`s right, a bit of naughtiness will be hitting the high seas in December as what`s billed as the first “cougar cruise” sets sail out of San Diego. Los Gatos, Calif.-based Singles Travel Company and singles group The Society of Single Professionals are co-sponsoring the three-night escapade aboard a Carnival ship, which is aimed at older woman who pursue younger men — or “cougars,” in contemporary lingo. The International Cougar Cruise, as it`s being called, kicks off Dec. 4 on the Carnival Elation and will include a single stop in Ensenada, Mexico. Prices begin at $125 per person, based on double occupancy and not including port charges and government fees. Singles Travel Company promises three days of singles meet-ups, dancing and “partying” that draws its inspiration from Valerie Gibson`s 2001 book Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men — a pitch that`s filled with innuendo. As the firm notes in a press release, a cougar “knows exactly what she wants,” the book says, and “what she doesn`t want is children, cohabitation or commitment.” Singles Travel Company executive director Ann Thomas notes 2009 is “the year of the cougar,” according to a recent story in Newsweek. The term is going ever more mainstream with TV shows like Courteney Cox`s soon-to-debut Cougar Town on ABC and the Bachelor-like reality dating show The Cougar. The voyage will be headlined by Miss Cougar America 2009, Gloria Navarro, crowned at the recent National Single Cougars Convention in Palo Alto, Calif.

Weener Kleener Soap Ring (SFW) – Cleaner – Gizmodo

Thief Recognized While Applying for Job in Same Store He Robbed – International News | FOXNews.com

Justice was not blind for one would-be robber. A British man interviewing for a job at a grocery store was charged with theft after the store`s manager recognized him as the same shoplifter from a previous incident at the store, The Telegraph reported. Simon Holden, 22, applied to be a shelf stacker at a grocery store in Lancashire, Great Britain. While Holden was interviewing, the store`s manager recognized his face. The store`s manager reportedly then checked CCTV footage from earlier in the week and recognized Holden – who was stealing four boxes of lager beer from the same store. When confronted during the interview, Holden fled – but not before stealing two more boxes of beer as he ran through the front door, The Telegraph reported. British police then found Holden to be in breach of a suspended jail term for stealing a laptop during a house burglary. Holden admitted theft and an unrelated offense of resisting arrest.

Teacher accused of punching student, police say – CNN.com

An elementary school teacher was arrested for punching an 8-year-old student in the face this month, Fort Lauderdale police said Tuesday. David Adam Grant is accused of striking an 8-year-old student at a Fort Lauderdale, Florida, school. David Adam Grant, 36, an art teacher at Sunland Elementary School, turned himself in to police Tuesday in connection with the November 5 incident, authorities said in a written statement. Police responded to a report of battery at the school, and “preliminary investigations revealed that an 8-year-old student … had been battered.” Authorities allege that Grant “hit the 8-year-old student around his left eye with a loosely closed fist, causing a bruise over his right eye,” according to the police statement. Grant surrendered to police after detectives contacted him, the statement said. He faces child abuse charges. The incident remains under investigation, authorities said.

Cops: Spurned roommate urinates on dog – Criminal weirdness- msnbc.com

MANITOWOC, Wis. – A 36-year-old man took revenge on his roommate after she refused to have sex with him by allegedly urinating on her dog, police said. Police said the man was arrested early Thursday morning on tentative charges of criminal damage to property and disorderly conduct related to domestic violence. According to police reports, the man was drunk when he argued with the woman. After she resisted his advances the man went to the basement where he urinated on her dog and the floor. Police said the argument continued, and when the woman`s sister stood up in defense the man pushed her into a wall. He then allegedly stormed from the home and punched out a window.

She`s the 105-year-old virgin | World Breaking News | News.com.au

A BRITISH virgin who celebrated her 105th birthday this week said the secret to long life was celibacy, adding that she imagined sex was a “lot of hassle”. Clara Meadmore, who marked her birthday with a drop of wine at the Perran Bay nursing home in Cornwall, south-west England, also received a card from Queen Elizabeth II. “People have asked me whether I am a homosexual and the answer is no,” Ms Meadmore said. “I have just never been interested in sex. “I imagine there is a lot of hassle involved and I have always been busy doing other things.” Born in Glasgow, Scotland, in 1903, Meadmore lived in Canada and New Zealand as a child before returning to Britain in her 20s to work as a secretary and housekeeper. She served with the army in Egypt during World War II, and subsequently lived in London and New Zealand before retiring 40 years ago in Cornwall.

Stick Inducted Into Toy Hall of Fame – Fresh Greens (usnews.com)

It`s a wand, a snowman`s arm, a drawing tool for sand, or, if you`re an antagonistic little brother, a sword. Either way, it`s a simple toy for complex imaginations. CNN tells us that the ecofriendliest toy of all – the simple stick – has earned a place of honor in the National Toy Hall of Fame. The stick joins such favorites as Mr. Potato Head, the kite and Atari as a favorite toy of all time for children (and canines). “It`s very open-ended, all-natural, the perfect price — there aren`t any rules or instructions for its use,” said Christopher Bensch, the museum`s curator of collections. I`m willing to bet that a greener toy doesn`t exist. I wonder, though – how many kids still play with sticks? My vote for the next Toy Hall of Fame inductee is another green pick – the leftover washing machine box. What`s yours?

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