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Yo mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

How do you leave in the middle of a game to run commercials … while the game is still going on? NBC has been doing that on their coverage of Olympic soccer and they finally got burned. This morning during the Nigeria - Belgium match, Nigeria scored their second goal while NBC was on a commercial break. Thank goodness for the Telemundo coverage - they know how to treat a soccer game.

They’re doing the same with the marquee Brazil vs Argentina game. C’mon! I mean … if you’re going to commit to broadcast the game live … broadcast the game live. Otherwise - tape delay it and squeeze the commercials in without disturbing game action. Or just leave it to the Spanish stations.

The other thing is the color commentary is atrocious. Marcelo Balboa may sound coherent (which is a plus for most athletes) but his insight is laughable. He wonders why Belgium sat back and tried to defend against Nigeria while they didn’t against a powerhouse like Italy. I’ll tell you why - Nigeria is fast as shit. They counter-attack in seconds - not from long passes but from dribbling fast. Italy isn’t as fast and IMO shouldn’t be mistaken for their much more accomplished (and experiences) senior team.

Marcelo Balboa did all the US games for ESPN during the 2006 World Cup and he was just as bad there. He talks like he’s a coach and we’re the team, yelling and cajoling to try to make his point. Almost like he’s pissed. Dude - there’ no airplane passing by, and you’re doing the games from studio in New York. Talk to us like a normal analyst.

NBC - they suck at football and they suck at futbol. But they’re great at showing tape-delayed gymnastics and swimming!

UPDATE: it happened AGAIN - Argentina’s second goal - during commercial.

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Yo mama's so dumb she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

• Kaka just broke Inter’s Samuel’s knee just from his skill on the ball. #
  
  
  video
• I wonder, how many penalties have Man Utd been awarded in the last 5 minutes of home games in which they didn’t have the lead? 80%? Must be #
• I think Rijkaard might soon be giving his parking space to Mourinho. #

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El Classico: Ronaldinho is done. He might be headed the way of Denilson (not the one at Arsenal)
Milan Derby: Ancelotti is still winless in Milan. Pirlo’s free kick was a thing of beauty.

Premiership: David Bentley is the future of England. Cristiano Ronaldo is a baad maan!

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Yo mama's so fat, when she travels, she's gotta make two trips.

Arsenal, fresh from their 2-2 draw at the Emirates vs Manchester United, travel to the Czech Republic to play Slavia Prague today. The last time these two met in London, Slavia were on the wrong end of a 7-0 beatdown, a Champions League record (tied) until Liverpool’s 8-0 thrashing of Besiktas yesterday. And apparently some of those Besiktas players WILL be walking alone soon.

Meanwhile ol’ inaudible SAF is at it again, plugging down the tired old road about too many foreigners in the premiership and that causing the decline in quality of the English national team. Of course Wenger and the arseblog hits it right on the head:

I always felt that sport rewards quality and does not hide behind artificial rules. If you put the level of the class down, it does not necessarily make the bad students better. It makes them worse. The real question is how can England take the opportunity to produce world-class players?

And that’s spot on, in my opinion. It’s too easy for people to say that the lack of England’s quality players is down to foreigners. There’s no question that some local players don’t get the chances they should but that is almost entirely to do with the inflated transfer market for English players. Simple economics dictates that a manager who can buy a Frenchman or a Spaniard or a German for 1/4 of the price of an English player of the same quality is going to shop abroad.
…
FIFA’s ideas about limiting the number of foreign players are not designed to improve the game. Not one bit. As I’ve always said they’re designed to lower the quality of the club game so the decline in quality of international football becomes less obvious. Septic Bladder won’t be happy with the EU’s comments that such a rule is unenforceable and would be a restriction of free movement of workers within the community. What did he expect though? Still, the charade will go on. The next time England fail to qualify for a tournament or get knocked out in the 1/4 finals the bleating about foreigners will start again and the real issues will be ignored again and again.

Perhaps SAF and the others who are upset at the quality of English football would do well to look at the quality of their current head coach. Instead of looking at some of the players coming off injuries or otherwise playing in England like Lampard, Wright Phillips and Hargraves, he decided to fly to LA to check out David Beckham practicing with the Galaxy and playing in a charity game against Hollywood United - a team made up of, among other wannabe athletes, Drew Carey and a guy from Def Leppard. Allegedly:

Since LA Galaxy coach Frank Yallop had just quit rather than continue with the Beckham circus, we might presume the real cause being helped here is McClaren’s job appeal. I hope the FA made him pay for his ticket.

To say the whole thing is Mickey Mouse would be an insult to cartoon characters everywhere.

As the boys on Fox Football Fone-In mention - if Russia manage to beat Israel next Saturday and knock England out of Euro 2008, England will be the last place Stevie will want to be. Even worse if Russia draws and England drop the ball against Croatia.

Finally Barcelona prepare for a rematch against Rangers at the Camp Nou. Despite the abundance of talent in Ronaldinho, Thierry Henry and Lionel Messi, Rangers were able to hold them at Ibrox to a draw, with American Damarcus Beasly even warning beforehand, “We Wont Stand Back To Admire.” And they didn’t, but this is a whole different ballgame. Rangers actually have a decent chance of making the Knockout round!

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Yo mama's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

There’s footy on TV tonight
Man U play with all of their might
David Beckham’s side,
Real Madrid, try
To look like they’ll put up a fight

Tomorrow it’s Barca and Chelsea
Ronaldinho will give ‘em hell, see
And my new cable package
Let’s me watch all the matches
Just need that large TV from LG

I’m impressed by Olympic Lyon
Juninho and Fred are da bomb
Can they climb the tower
That is Steaua
Or will the Romanians be too strong?

Liverpool sure needs a reuslt
Or Anfield will erupt in tumult
Rafa’s chameleon
Lineups are dealing un-
Rest that is all his fault

CSKA Moscow was tipped
To be the surprise side, but if
They don’t get on
The experts prove wrong
And they won’t sell very many kits

Louis Saha is a star
Rosicky can score from far
But Becks’ touch ain’t Midas
He has tonsillitus
His coach thinks his game is sub-par

Thierry Henry is back
But some fans taunt him cuz he’s black
FIFA is trying
To stop fans relying
On silly, divisive race cracks

Apparently, Frank Lampard has been found
He bulged the net twice on the ground
But John Terry’s in pain
His back spasms won’t wane
And Gallas? On the other side of town

That’s all for now. Enjoy the games

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Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat butt out of the way.

IT’S A FINAL. ARSENAL WINS 1-0. GETS COVETED AWAY GOALI don’t know if I’ve ever watched David Beckham have a good game since he went to Real Madrid. And apparently the Spanish fans feel that Ronaldo is in the twilight of his career - no love for the gap-toothed one.
But Arsenal came to play. I guess they want to follow in Liverpool’s footsteps in winning in Europe but not in England. Thierry Henry, the Steve Smith of the EPL, could also be on his way out at Highbury leaving Arsenal with a whole lotta 2nd tier guys and Chelsea with an unquestioned London dominance.Today: The rematch - Chelsea v. Barcelona. And the gamesmanship has already started.

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Yo mama's so fat she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Chicago, NY ..

Yes it’s true. Manchester United has been bounced out of the Champions League BEFORE the knockout stages! To put this in proper perspective, imagine Tiger Woods fnishing 20th in a round of golf against a group of 6 year olds. I suppose this is the beginning of what was feared by ManU supporters when Glazer stepped up to buy out outstanding shares of the club. There were actually chants for his death ! Don’t mess with England’s sport! Plus this loss of European revenue puts the team in an even more precarious finacial situation since Glazer bought the team mostly on credit secured with the team and Old Trafford stadium as collateral. Plus he was recently shot down in an attempt to de-socialize the EPL TV contract. Oooooops!

ManU finished 4th in their group. Behind Benfica and Lille. Lille! and now are out of both Champions League AND UEFA Cup - the red headed stepchild. But I guess this means one thing for sure. ESPN programming chiefs can now get back to the business of putting FC Barcelona and world footballer of the year and soccer badass Ronaldinho on TV over here. I’m sick of the 0-0 matches between defensive minded EPL teams. How many times must I be subjected to Frank Lampard’s hurricane hair and Petr Cech saving every shot. I need some offense. Chicks dig the free kick!

Note: Lampard might be in Barca next year!

In other news, Freddy Adu has ended his feud and allegedly will return to D.C. United next year. I’ll believe it when I see it. This guy is the future face of American soccer and actually puts together more coherent thoughts than Landon Donovan (not that that’s hard to do) and he’s being buried on the bench of an MLS team? WTF? I’m sure he’s thinking “I could be in South London right now buried behind guys like Joe Cole and Lampard and the Iceman (Eidur Gudjohnson) and getting better challenges in practice.” He’s one of the richest American stars and he’s coming off the bench like he’s Kevin McHale or Antoine Walker. Freddy is ready for England!

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