July 14, 2008

The Roundup from 2008-07-14

Yo mama's so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock!

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  • Heard this on the radio in relation to the Lakers’ Lamar Odom: “No Scrotum Odom” #
  • BestBuy.com - Check Gift Card Balance http://tinyurl.com/63aekt WORST WEBSITE EVER. Best Buy Sucks. #

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May 21, 2008

Crazy Chuck

Yo mama's so ugly You could stick her face in dough and make monster cookies

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From TNT’s Inside The NBA. They were talking about the Lakers vs Spurs conference finals matchup Charles Barkley called this the best Laker team that Kobe’s been on - which led to much discussion and yelling including an incredulous Chris Webber.



Crazy Chuck

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November 25, 2007

Scattered Thoughts on 2007-11-25

Yo mama's so fat she sat on a quarter and squished a booger out of George Washington's nose

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  • Oh my - an Auburn DB was just bitten in the hand by a police dog after he defended a play in the end zone. Then they took the dog away! #
  • Kansas Jayhawks, Exposed by Missouri in Kansas City, Missouri! If they win out - it’ll be West Virginia - Mizzou for the BCS title. Yuck! #
  • Callahan, Orgeron and Franchione fired. OK - Fran resigned but same thing. Along with Carr that leaves a lot of head coach posts available #
  • WaSU wins Apple Cup on last minute bomb - capitalizing on a blitz and blown coverage. OSU’s clock cleaned by OU. Clemson beat Spurrier #
  • VTech (errr. VPI) beat UVa. BC beat Miami for the first time since Hail Flutie, Canes finish 5-7 :(. No bowl for you. Kyle Wright: abysmal. #
  • Kent State lost to Buffalo. UNC beat Duke. UCLA beat Oregon and BYU beat Utah. How does Stanford win at USC and lose at home to Notre Dame? #
  • Wow - Celtics beat Charlotte on buzzer beating 3 by Ray Allen. Is this post Laker game hangover? Apparently their gym was rocking. #
  • Mizzou KU game running time: 226 minutes. ABC is reeeeally milking it for ad money, isn’t it. #
  • Just to reiterate: Nick “The Dick” Saban lost. That’s 6 straight Iron Bowls to Auburn. War Eagle #
  • Arsenal, Man City, Chelsea, Pompy, Liverpool win. Man United lose to Bolton! Arsenal: 3 points clear and a game in hand! #
  • Fight On … College Football’s Top Franchises http://tinyurl.com/2ecc9k I still don’t get why Notre Dame is so popular. Oh well. #
  • Owen: Pressure got to England http://tinyurl.com/28sp6w “99% … takes place in your head and that puts a big onus in coping mentally.” #
  • “When fear takes over, you start to do things wrong and take the easy option which in our case is lumping the ball forward to the front men” #
  • “I’m not absolving myself from blame… What must be addressed as much as anything is our psychological preparations.” #
  • http://tinyurl.com/ytz32g England Play Croatia again in World Cup Qualifying. N. Korea play S. Korea and US could play Cuba. Spicy! #
  • Browns, Jags, Saints on the rise. Giants come back to the pack. With Detroit losing, NFC will be tough to call. AFC looks like CLE & JAX. #
  • Mizzou is BCS #1 and WV are #2. For Now. Mizzou plays Oklahoma - their only loss. WV has a layup with Pitt. Ohio State is waiting at #3. #
  • BCS gets what they deserve. Mizzou vs West Virginia? Worst. Title game. Ever. #
  • East Lower http://tinyurl.com/286lhf On Arsenal: “we have secured 13 of our 33 points in the last ten minutes of our games.” #

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November 7, 2007

Kobe? Look At What You Got Rid Of.

Filed under: NBA, LA Lakers, Kobe, Shaq — La Bestia @ 9:24 am
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Yo mama's so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

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Shaq - ever the clowner, ever the kid. Instant team chemistry. This vid is courtesy of MiamiSportsBlog.com

Shaq left LA where he helped the Lakers to the Finals 4 out of 5 years and collected 3 rings. Why? Because the owner of the Lakers is cheap and Kobe didn’t stand up to it. Fast forward 3 unproductive seasons later and now Kobe wants out. Chad Ford wrote an article about why other teams aren’t lining up for the Kobster.

I spoke to a number of NBA sources who have been engaged in or are familiar with the Bryant trade negotiations. Almost all evidence from these conversations points to this conclusion: Bryant’s trade value isn’t nearly as high as he or the Lakers would like to think…

1. Does Kobe have too much mileage?

Kobe is already 29 years old. When he turns 30 in August, he’ll reach an age at which many players decline… It’s not only the years that concern some teams, but also the minutes. Counting NBA regular-season and playoff games, Bryant has logged 33,576 minutes — 918 games of about 37 minutes each, in just 11-plus seasons. That’s more “mileage” on his legs than on the legs of Ray Allen (age 32) or Allen Iverson (32)… And about the same as Chris Webber (34). More than Alonzo Mourning (37). More than Sam Cassell (37). Further, Kobe has had knee problems the past few seasons, including arthroscopic knee surgery in 2004 and 2006…

2. Is Kobe really the best player in the NBA?

It’s often said, by players, journalists and fans alike, that Bryant is the best player in the league. Without a doubt, he’s one of the greatest offensive forces we’ve ever seen. Indeed, his skill level in all aspects of the game is probably the most advanced we’ve seen since Jordan. But not everyone thinks that makes him the best player in the game… Bryant has never led the league in John Hollinger’s PER (player efficiency rating), which combines a player’s stats and percentages into a single measure. Last season, Bryant was well behind Dirk Nowitzki and Dwyane Wade . To put his numbers into historical perspective, his career-high PER of 27.97 in 2005-06 ranks No. 42 all-time in the league. Several current players have posted a higher PER than Kobe did in his best season… A newer measure from 82games.com, adjusted plus/minus, “reflects the impact of each player on his team’s bottom line (scoring margin), after controlling statistically for the strength of every teammate and every opponent during each minute he’s on the court.” By this measure, Bryant ranked sixth in the NBA last season, behind players such as Jason Kidd and Gilbert Arenas. In one in-depth report, Bryant ranked 21st in the NBA in clutch performance…

3. Is Kobe a winner?

This question probably resonates the most in NBA front offices. Several GMs I’ve spoken with have questioned aloud whether Kobe is really a winner… On the surface, it appears that Kobe is a winner. But dig deeper and there are real questions…The more central questions, according to some observers in the NBA, revolve around Bryant’s approach to the game. His amazing determination, while certainly a key part of his success on the court, does not always translate into leadership or a winning attitude… Certainly Bryant wants to win. But he wants to win his way, according to many who have followed his career. And when you break it down, that translates to this attitude: I would rather lose my way than win your way…

4. Is Kobe worth it?

Those three issues lead up to the ultimate question: Given all the complex considerations, does it make sense to acquire Kobe? First of all, it’s just not that easy to make a deal, especially during the season, when the roster rules make it more difficult to trade many players for one. Second, Bryant makes a lot of money — $19.4 million this season… Third, such a trade would be a gamble, and NBA teams are generally risk-averse, as we saw at the last trade deadline…Fourth, there is the straightforward question of talent: As great as Bryant is, can he replace the talent a team would have to give up? And if a team gives up too much to acquire Kobe, that team would be no more equipped to compete for a championship than the Lakers are, which would potentially start the cycle all over again, with Bryant’s unhappiness dominating the team.

… But if the status quo holds, teams will have to look forward to the summer of 2009, when Bryant can opt out of his contract at the age of 31. By then our eyes and hearts will likely have caught up with what the numbers and logic are already telling us: Kobe Bryant is a great player, but in a team sport like basketball he lacks the ability, on his own, to deliver an NBA championship.

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October 22, 2005

More from Dr. Z

Yo mama's so fat she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy

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'' good news: devean’s iq up to room temperature. bad news: in finland.

iraq polls close, gore blames diebold, foil hat shortage, asks: if i rape a nine year-old and then marry her, will you make me your prophet, too?

kobe hasn’t raped anyone in over a year. gotta be getting tired of that wife, though. ugh. kobe’s half-christie chick-wise, and that’s never a good thing. he seems to be handling it better than doug, which is a tribute to kobe’s personal character and selecting a less idiotic dominatrix. you know that jackie straps it on and ride’s doug’s pooper raw, but i’m not sure vanessa bryant has the balls, not without a performance clause in the prenup.

tayshaun prince is about to make 50mil. that’s about 1.4mil per pound.

“may the circle be unbroken.” circle in a triangle. yup. fortunately, you can’t judge the team but the droll symbolism and trite blatherings on the cover of the laker playbook. there never was a circle, coach, so you really can’t break it. yo coach, my first chakra itches..

chinese astronauts wave to cameras, remove make-up, drive home. i never thought we’d see chinese in space. then again there was the kung pao incident… so i’d never been with a chinese waitress before, but she was highly aggressive in the sack and eagerly wanting to please, so when i asked for 69, she said. “you want broccoli beef?” i was as stunned as the first time i saw yao ming wearing a twelve-pound gaudy-bling medallion on an anchor-strength ghetto chain.

diop lost 40 pounds. we’ll see if he replaced them with game.

jordan melo 5.5, the shoe that can’t defend.

hoiberg wants to be the first in the nba to play with a pacemaker. wow. impressive goal. i wonder if this is what he dreamed about as a kid…

scary movie 4: shaq and dr phil. no lie. chained together. in a bathroom.

shane battier won’t be pushing oakley sunglasses anymore. something about a shar pei.

the heat are throwing the ball all over the gym. that’s gotta change.

the charlotte bobcat arena sold out. for the rolling stones. we’ll see how the hoop team fares.

'' artest wants to box ben wallace on pay per view for 10mil. fine by me, as long as shaq gets the winner.

the new york times is reporting that coach brown’s technical against the mavs in the second exhibition game was a big thing, “the last knicks coach to earn a technical foul was don chaney, on jan. 26, 2003 - two years, nine months and three coaches ago.” who knew?

the tailor’s lament: you can’t clothe oliver miller. you can only hope to contain him.

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October 19, 2005

Dr. Z on the NBA

Yo mama's so fat she dries her pants in the driveway

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doug christie is practicing for his new role in the drama crying while eating.

rodman got banned from the chatroom, so he ditched smegmonkey and now he’s posting as coughing anus. bannination is 3…2….1..

the world’s most popular last name is wang. the most popular first name in the world is mohammed. but there isn’t anyone named mohammed wang. go figure. the wangs are holding steady, but hell is reporting a recent up-tick in new membership named mohammed. overheard: satan is apparently half french. le bwahahaha. more recruits are coming soon: new blazers prefer new coke.

mel gibson confuses me. first he’s scottish patriot. then he’s an american patriot. then he’s on the wrong end of a railroad tie, trying to start-up an aramaic masochism cult. dude. pick a team.

robert parish named chairman of the joint chiefs.

coach nate is reluctant to follow the blazer tradition of using ouija board and blow-darts to choose starters.

predrag stojakovic and brad miller. peaches and gravy.

they say the only mammal that can’t jump is an elephant. they ain’t seen webber lately. they also say that reno is west, not east of los angeles, which completely evades the reality that reno is north of los angeles, not east nor west.

the league substance abuse policy doesn’t include viagra for coaches, so all the bladder/prostrate fellas can stay on the sidelines without retribution.

''
oliver miller strains stomach muscle, vitals critical, priest contacted.

like shaq said of the lakers back in 1998, “right now, the popcorn is still a little brown seed.” welcome to 2005-2006, where the brown seed looks pretty small again.

lakers will allow kwamme to sing the national anthem, just so he can have a highlight.

a decade ago, derrick coleman was asked why he declined an invitation to go hunting with teammate jayson williams: “i'm not going hunting with anyone who plays the same position as me.” … fast-forward to the present and a limo driver is dead from shotgun wounds and williams is in pound-my-anus prison for splattering dude’s guts. wow. the next time you see derrick coleman, ask him to pick lotto numbers for you. dude sees into the future.

solved!! karl malone owns-up that he was such a poor ft shooter as a rookie that he starting taking to the ball — to put some english on it.

celtics miss parquet dead spots, hire oliver miller to dent new floor.

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