DABR Twitter Web Client Mini Blog Yo Mama Jokes Sports Bookmarklets About Us

January 30, 2010

John Terry Wayne Bridge Jokes



 

The Press Association: Terry refuses to comment on claims

England football captain John Terry turned out to skipper Chelsea after refusing to comment on allegations that he had an affair with the girlfriend of a team-mate. Terry cheated on his wife Toni with French underwear model Vanessa Perroncel, then the girlfriend of former Chelsea defender Wayne Bridge, it was alleged in newspaper reports.

oh dear – well – here goes:

Wayne Bridge’s wife must be a goalpost in Moscow because John Terry hit it.

Wayne Bridge sent his missus a replica of his cock made from Cadburys chocolate. She said that she prefers Terrys

Capello is expected to name Gary Neville as the new England Captain since he hasn’t got a chance of sleeping with anyone’s wife.

John Terry has scored away from home again – this time it wasn’t Wayne Bridge’s girl.

Well, Wayne Bridge is always injured, someone had to step in and do it.

I don’t know why everyone is giving John Terry such a hard time.
As a footballer, getting a girl to consent is a rarity, he should be commended.

BREAKING: John Terry is set to appear before the Iraq inquiry after alleged secret meetings with Bush

John Terry has “vowed to give everything to the team”. Yeah, syphilis… chlamydia… warts… herpes…

I knew JT liked scoring at The Bridge, but this is just ridiculous.

“Hi, I’m John Terry and sneaking out Windows was my idea.”

John Terry to star in new TV program “Other Footballers Wives”

After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans want Terry to try it on with Emile Heskey’s wife.

At the end of February, Chelsea are playing away from home between two European legs. Something John Terry will be more than familiar with.

Same old Terry, always cheating.

Q: What do Wayne Bridge and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both should’ve stayed at Southampton.

Ashley Cole was stopped for speeding in London. When the police ask him to explain, he says: “I just heard that John Terry’s parked outside my house!”

What’s Wayne Bridge’s wife got in common with a Champions League final goalpost? They’ve both been banged by John Terry…

Pity, Wayne Bridge wasn’t even first choice with his wife!

Somebody bought me some terry’s all gold today. was suprised to find new chocolates called ‘bigamy’ and ‘coward’

Gag order lifted in Terry case? That’s what SHE said!

JT said he didn’t mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel – he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

Songs: To the tune of Simple Gifts (Lord of the Dance)

Chelsea, wherever you may be,
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry,
He’ll take her to a clinic in a back alley,
And then he’ll fuck off to the UAE

Chelsea, wherever you may be,
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry,
He’ll whinge and he’ll cry, and he’ll piss off to Dubai
While the captaincy decision is nigh

Chelsea, Wherever you may be,
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry.
Cuz he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff,
And he’ll get your missus up the duff

Terry … his whole family
can’t stay away from the scrutiny
whether selling dust or nicking groceries
now it’s fratricide with adultery

Chelsea wherever you may be,
Don’t trust your wives with John Terry,
His dad sells crack, his mum is a thief
He cries when he misses a penalty!

Another song to The Addams Family:
They say his mum’s a stealer,
They say his dad’s a dealer,
He’s screwing his mate’s Sheila,
The Terry Family”.

To sum it all up: John Terry cheats, can’t keep a clean sheet and scores away from home.

Bookmark and Share Email This Print This PDF This Blog This Facebook Twiit Google Google Yahoo! Buzz Ping StumbleUpon LinkedIn MySpace

Popularity: 73% [?]

September 2, 2008

Foreigners Killing The Premier League



 

I used to think people were crazy to complain that foreigners in the Premier League were killing the England national team. But now I think they’re right – only it’s not the foreign players, it’s the foreign owners that are to blame. The massive influx in money (highlighted by the recent madness at Manchester City) has created a culture in the Premier League where winning and staying in all competitions is important not just for the fans and players, but also to the long-term financial health of the club. Meaning that trivial things like World Cup qualifiers and even cup games are given second-class status to Premier League weekend games and European competition.

Take the example of Steven Gerrard’s latest injury. It seems that Gerrard has been playing on a groin injury for a while, even after further aggravating it in a midweek Champion’s League qualifier that Liverpool had to win. So what does Manager Rafa Benitez do? Asks him to gut it out for the weekend Premier League game and then schedule surgery for the international break – which, as you can imagine, did not initially sit well with England Manager Fabio Capello.

Rafa Benitez insisted he had made his peace with England coach Fabio Capello yesterday and dismissed claims of a breakdown in communication over Steven Gerrard’s latest injury absence.

Gerrard will have the second of two minor groin operations today and will miss Capello’s first two competitive games in charge, as England begin their World Cup campaign against Andorra next Saturday and Croatia four days later.

Capello was reportedly unhappy at being kept in the dark over Liverpool’s decision to arrange surgery for their skipper in the immediate aftermath of Wednesday night’s Champions League qualifying round win over Standard Liege.

Now it seems that captain John Terry, Frank Lampard, Owen Hargreaves, Wes Brown, and Ashley Cole will also miss one or both international games – which leaves me wondering how England is expected to get a result against Croatia – the team that will most likely be their toughest competition in the group – in a competition where, unlike Euro 2008 qualifying, winning the group is paramount to qualification. I know it happens on-and-off already, but is this going to get to the point where clubs will start to come up with all kinds of excuses to keep their best players out of all international games?

I suppose the good thing is that some non-regulars like Fulham’s Jimmy Bullard will get a chance to impress Capello. But without some kind of continuity in Capello’s system, how can the team be expected to play as a unit? Some would say Capello should drop the overpaid regulars and give the young England stars more consideration. But Capello seems to have a fondness for a more grizzled England team (see:David Beckham) with Michael Owen the only notable exception.

I say instead of picking an England All-Star team, just send Aston Villa. They seem to be the only Premier League team stockpiling young England talent (Ashley Young, Gabby Agbonlahor, Gareth Barry, Steve Sidwell, Luke Young, Curtis Davies, etc.) and there’ll be no worries about not playing together. I suppose they need to find someone to replace Carew, Laursen, Friedel and a few others, but it would certainly have saved them from paying both Shteve McClaren and Fabio Capello all that money when they could get the guy (Martin O’Neill) they probably should have hired after Sven left. Of course we’ll look past the fact that Villa’s owners are American and their manager is Irish!

Bookmark and Share Email This Print This PDF This Blog This Facebook Twiit Google Google Yahoo! Buzz Ping StumbleUpon LinkedIn MySpace

Popularity: unranked [?]

May 23, 2008

John Terry Jokes



 

John Terry JokesI can’t imagine what the jokes about Ronaldo would be like if Terry would have made his kick.

One plane ticket to Moscow…£239.
One night accommodation in Moscow…£159.
Watching John Terry throw it all away…priceless

Samaritans are offering counseling to all Chelsea fans. Call 0800 101010 – that’s 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.

Police this morning reported to Avram Grant that there had been a break in at the Bridge. Avram asked “were there any cups stolen?” “No Sir,” the policeman replied. “They didn’t make it to the kitchen!”

Frank Lampard and Joe Cole were allegedly spotted out in Red Square last night, having clearly had one or two drinks. They were reportedly singing: “We’re forever blowing Doubles.”

Did you hear about the new ‘Chelsea Bra’? Lots of support but no cups.

Ryan Giggs speaking about the Champions League cup: “It’s like a Chocolate Orange – It’s not Terry’s, it’s mine!”

The Verve have released a tribute song to John Terry after his penalty blunder. It’s called ‘The Studs Don’t Work’.

Its lashing it down with rain in Moscow, poor old Avram Grant is soaked… mainly from John Terry’s tears.

John Terry is going to start making is own brand of vodka – made in England but bottled in Russia.

Stamford bridge a European Cup free zone.

Missing: 1 x Bottle
Last Seen: 21st May, Moscow
If found please return to: John Terry, Stamford Bridge, London.

Heard about the John Terry tyre? Excellent durability but not so good in the wet!

Good news: Josef Fritzel, the Austrian cellar rapist will be given the death penalty.
Bad news: John Terry is going to take it!

Why can’t you get a cup of tea at the Bridge? All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Old Trafford.

John Terry always listens to the same song before a game – Born Slippy.

Penalty Taking For Dummies

Bookmark and Share Email This Print This PDF This Blog This Facebook Twiit Google Google Yahoo! Buzz Ping StumbleUpon LinkedIn MySpace

Popularity: unranked [?]

May 21, 2008

They Must Be Punished



 

It’s the Cold War Final. An English team with a Russian owner and an English team with an American owner playing in Moscow a week after a Russian fan was stabbed in Manchester and 18 months after a Russian defector at odds with Vladimir Putin was poisoned (allegedly) in London … with Polonium. Throw in an Israeli coach, a distant cousin of Mariah Carey, the no-tolerance police, rat infested jails, traditionally binge-drinking English fans and Russian hooligans bent on revenge and you have all the makings of a grand spectacle!



Dan Roan reports

Sie sind die besten, indeed!

Bookmark and Share Email This Print This PDF This Blog This Facebook Twiit Google Google Yahoo! Buzz Ping StumbleUpon LinkedIn MySpace

Popularity: unranked [?]

December 18, 2007

Don Fabio Unveiled



 

The new England manager is introduced to the press – and he doesn’t speak English. Surely a sore spot for the proud English football supporters.

And the newspapers were right on target with the derision. The Sun:

So what did we learn yesterday? Precious little to add to what we already knew.

The mountain of information made available to us had included his love of philosophy, classical music and art.

He is even rumoured to have a £5million Chagall hanging on his wall. Which made a change from Sven, whose own taste was more along the lines of Shag-all.

He also likes hiking in Tibet and visiting archaeological sites.

Well, he’s come to a classic one here.

England, the country whose football is in a similar state of disrepair to the Foro Romano, the ancient Roman ruins he knows so well from his time in the Italian capital.

The Daily Mail seemed a little more perturbed:

But when the formalities were completed, it was clear it was not Capello being welcomed into this New England, it was us.

We are now outsiders. We wait for some translated banality to be passed on like grateful tourists in our own national game. All thanks to a governing body that has so completely lost sight of its duty that the country’s team has merely a passing acquaintance with England.

In fact, the only evidence of a meaningful English presence in this entire charade is on the banknotes bearing The Queen’s face currently being whisked away to an Italian bank by Capello and his legion of coaching staff.

But The Telegraph gave him the respect his experience and presence commanded:

Fabio Capello swept into an auditorium at the Royal Lancaster Hotel in London yesterday like a distinguished emeritus professor from Italy intent on educating a bunch of unruly English undergraduates. His audience was swiftly captivated, spell-bound by the presence of a managerial heavyweight now in the Football Association’s employ.

The FA have been involved in some momentous calamities in recent years -building the white elephant that is Wembley, dithering over the much-needed National Football Centre, and appointing Steve McClaren – but yesterday they displayed a fitness to govern by asking Capello to bring some method to the madness of English football.

From McClaren to Capello, from the Wally with the Brolly to the Man with the Plan, in 26 days: even by England’s surreal, switchback standards, this has been a staggering turnaround. The game’s maturing process from penalty-missing, tournament-missing adolescence to trophy-chasing adulthood has only just begun.

It’s going to be an interesting and fun four years. Expect Becks to get his 100th and play some part on the bench in a leadership and experience role. At least for 2008.

Bookmark and Share Email This Print This PDF This Blog This Facebook Twiit Google Google Yahoo! Buzz Ping StumbleUpon LinkedIn MySpace

Popularity: 1% [?]

November 12, 2007

Mini Blog for 2007-11-12



 
  • England player, including John Terry, trying to save McClaren’s job. How admirable But it may be too little too late. #
  • YouTube – Droopy-Dixieland Droopy http://urltea.com/22wm – one of my favorite cartoons. #
  • YouTube – Droopy-Homesteader Droopy http://urltea.com/22wv Another classic. “It’s the lawwwwww of the west.” #
  • Google to acquire Sprint Nextel for Mobile WiMax? – Engadget Mobile http://urltea.com/22wy I don’t think this will happen but interesting! #
  • This Kevin Garnett Thing is Working Out Quite Nicely, Huh? http://urltea.com/22wz “Only unbeaten team left… Best shooting team in the NBA” #
  • JS Online: Video: Time-lapse photography at Vikings-Packers game http://urltea.com/22×3 AWESOME! #
  • NOTRE DAME IS F’N TERRIBLE http://tinyurl.com/24l8mw Check out the pic http://urltea.com/22×5 hilarious! Poor Charlie. #
  • Benayoun a doubt for Israel clash http://urltea.com/22×7 England supporters are gripping with fear. At least Becks is back. #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

Bookmark and Share Email This Print This PDF This Blog This Facebook Twiit Google Google Yahoo! Buzz Ping StumbleUpon LinkedIn MySpace

Popularity: 1% [?]

July 22, 2007

Beckham Debuts Against Chelsea



 

The eyes were on the Home Depot Center last night as David Beckham and the LA Galaxy took on Chelsea FC from London. It was Becks’ MLS debut, filled with drama, intrigue, and injury. ESPN had severl cameras including a Beckham cam that dominated the broadcast. Good thing it was only a friendly. The stars were out including Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Baby Suri even made friends with Baby Beckham. Oh – and Chelsea won 1-0.

Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy Beckham LA Galaxy

Bookmark and Share Email This Print This PDF This Blog This Facebook Twiit Google Google Yahoo! Buzz Ping StumbleUpon LinkedIn MySpace

Popularity: 1% [?]

June 2, 2007

New Wembley Stadium Unveilled



 

The new Wembley Stadium opened with a classic match between England and Brazil. David Beckham supplied a trademark cross that John Terry put away in the first half, only to see Brazil’s Diego level in injury time.

capt.llp10106011907.britain-brazil-soccer-llp101.jpg fullj.getty-74355666mt010-international-3-19-02-pm.jpg fullj.getty-74355666mt068-international-4-35-28-pm.jpg fullj.getty-74355666mt091-international-5-01-59-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-alfonso-robinson-5-27-13-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-beckham-3-51-03-am.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-beckham-3-51-46-am.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-beckham-3-56-23-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-beckham-4-39-42-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-beckham-4-56-15-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-beckham-cele-5-49-04-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-beckham-ronaldinho-3-51-20-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-beckham-ronaldinho-3-54-48-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-fans-4-29-46-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-kaka-4-09-01-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-lula-beckham-4-24-52-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-ronaldinho-5-24-13-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-ronaldinho-owen-4-13-12-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-terry-beckham-cele-4-52-09-pm.jpg fullj.getty-fbl-eng-brazil-terry-cele-6-09-33-pm.jpg ronbecks3312.jpg

Bookmark and Share Email This Print This PDF This Blog This Facebook Twiit Google Google Yahoo! Buzz Ping StumbleUpon LinkedIn MySpace

Popularity: 1% [?]

November 6, 2006

Chelsea’s Booking Parade continues



 

Fresh off having seemingly every member of the starting 11 plus substitute Joe Cole booked against Barcelona in midweek, it seems the Blues were at it again on Sunday against crosstown rivals Tottenham at White Hart Lane. John Terry was sent off late in the match after Tottenham took the lead for good on Aaron Lennon’s winner.

Hey Mourinho – you may want to coach your guys to play without shin-kicking, rib-elbowing and shirt yanking. Just a thought.

Bookmark and Share Email This Print This PDF This Blog This Facebook Twiit Google Google Yahoo! Buzz Ping StumbleUpon LinkedIn MySpace

Popularity: 1% [?]

Powered by WordPress

Blog Information