I know I know – I’m fixated on this Sham-Wow guy, but this story is funny. Enjoy:
The ShamWow guy should be arrested for shoddy shammies – The AmpersandPerhaps you already knew this, but the man behind the ShamWow was arrested last month for for allegedly beating up a Miami hooker who had bitten his tongue and refused to let go.
Yeah, go ahead and take a minute to absorb that. (Absorb! Ha!)
The allegations about the prostitute haven’t been proven in court, and we have nothing to add there. Maybe Vince Shlomi is a gentle man who would never dream of punching a hooker in the face. What we do know is that he sells lousy towels.
In following the story, Gawker describes the ShamWow towels as “oddly absorbing” — oddly, they take the commercials at face value.
I know better, having shelled out $19.99 plus tax for a set at Canadian Tire. And let me tell you: The ShamWow is more like a ShamMeh.
The standard box of four ShamWows includes two large orange towels, which can be cut with kitchen scissors into smaller towels if desired, and two thinner, blue towels for smaller spills.
Your first observation will likely be that the ShamWow emits a weird chemical/poo smell reminiscent of the gorilla pavilion at the Toronto Zoo, at least until the first time you wash it (it does hold up in the washing machine, as advertised).
The greater letdown happens next, when you try to use it: To my eyes, the ShamWow does not soak up liquids nearly as well as it seems on the commercials. I’m not sure how Vince Schlomi manages to use a ShamWow to reverse time by sucking liquids out of carpet like the spill never happened, because it doesn’t work when I try it. I spilled some tea on a couch pillow, rushed to grab my ShamWow and immediately put it to work trying to “vacuum” the stain, as Vince puts it. The pillow stayed damp despite much effort (including punching the stain, as recommended by the video). The tea stain is still there.
No, Vince, I am not saying wow every time.
Plus, the thing takes bloody forever to dry. Little liquid seems to escape a saturated ShamWow through evaporation, even over a couple of days, so you’re obligated to wring it out – wow, sounds like fun when those “pet stains” do happen.
On the plus side, to be fair, the ShamWow does not drip, as promised.
Overall, a ShamWow is not worse than using paper towels; nor does it work better. I continue to use mine because to do otherwise would be wasteful. I suppose if you want is a reusable, if smelly, alternative to paper towels the ShamWow is a suitable product. If, however, what you’re after is the miracle liquid-sucking product from Vince Shlomi’s commercials, you will be disappointed.
As for where a former Scientologist might have learned how to market a product using exaggerated promises, we’ll leave you to speculate on that point at your leisure.
So maybe he didn’t use it to towel off that “pleasure professional” in his $700 hotel room. Fucking Infomercials.
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