myopiclunacy.com

• English Premiership in America? They seem to think so: http://tinyurl.com/33ac3a http://tinyurl.com/3dyapl http://tinyurl.com/3cf5t9 #
• Pictures from Dolphins Giants in London’s Wembley Stadium http://tinyurl.com/ywqldc #
• Memo to Larry Coker: Discipline works! http://tinyurl.com/2xblmh #
• Kids love to pole dance http://tinyurl.com/2t4lz7 #
• Stacy Peterson missing. Described as “young, beautiful mother” - I can bet CNN’s news directors are having wet dreams. #
• Amy Fisher has a sex tape? http://tinyurl.com/3xqfgd “in a stunning twist … the tape ends with Amy Fisher getting shot in the face.” #

Powered by Twitter Tools.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Wrecked ‘Em Tool

Naked man arrested for concealed weapon: EL CERRITO, Calif. (AP) — A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said. The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said. John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan. “You can’t get much more concealed than that,” Horgan said. Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident. Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon. “When you’re talking about an awl or an ice pick and you’re dealing with somebody who’s fresh out of prison, it’s a weapon. That’s a stabbing instrument,” Horgan said. It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.

Bad Halloween Costume Choices

Trick’s on N.Y. jail officials as ex-inmate trick-or-treating in jumpsuit prompts lockdown: WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — A jail went into lockdown and recounted its prisoners on Halloween night after a former inmate was spotted trick-or-treating in his old orange prisoner’s jumpsuit. “Bad choice of costume,” said Susan Tolchin, chief adviser to Westchester County Executive Andrew Spano. The former inmate, Oscar Aponte, was taking his daughter trick-or-treating in Peekskill on Tuesday night when a county correction officer — also out trick-or-treating with her child — spotted the familiar jumpsuit, Tolchin said. “She confronted him, and he ran and drove off,” Tolchin said. The officer took down the man’s license plate and called authorities. The jail went into lockdown until a prisoner count established that no one was missing. Meanwhile, police found Aponte, confiscated the genuine jumpsuit and let him go. Aponte was arrested and charged Wednesday with petty larceny and possession of stolen property, both misdemeanors, Tolchin said. She said prisoners are not permitted to take their jumpsuits home when they are released. There was no telephone listing for Aponte’s address. Aponte was in the jail from May to September for violating probation on a drunken driving charge.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Why won’t she just go away? That money should be considered a crazy stipend.

Runaway Bride Suing Former Groom: Atlanta, GA (AHN) - A bride-to-be who ran out on her husband and launched a nationwide manhunt for her after she dissappeared, is now suinig her former fiance. Jennifer Wilbanks says her groom-to-be, John Mason, is “capitalizing on their story.” According to UPI, in court papers filed in Gwinnett County, Jennifer Wilbanks says John Mason got a power of attorney while she was in the hospital, sold the story for $500,000 to Regan Media and used the proceeds to buy a house, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. She wants her share of the money and a number of household items. Wilbanks received national attention when she went missing a year ago, and was found across the country in Albequerque, New Mexico, days later. Wilbanks gave police a story about how she was kidnapped, yet upon investigation, it was revealed she simply split town on her own.

Does the horse have to be drunk too?

Georgia Woman Gets DUI On Horseback: (AHN) - A Georgia woman was cited for a DUI while riding a horse after she steered the animal into traffic. A Pontiac Bonneville struck the horse injuring two young passengers and the driver. Heather Darnell, 22, of Mountain City was airlifted to the Gwinnett Medical Center in Lawrenceville, Ga and the horse reportedly survived the incident. Ancella Gragg, 32, a 13-year-old girl and 9-year-old boy were all treated at Mountain Lakes Medical Center in Clayton, Ga. Trooper Anthony Coleman said the woman was charged with a DUI because she was on a public road. She was also cited for entering a traffic lane. He said, “If it’s on the public right-of-way, you’re under the same jurisdiction as if you’re in a car.”

I wonder if he was drunk when he made his escape

Trail of beer, clothes leads to beer truck bandit: CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - A man suspected of stealing a loaded beer truck was nabbed after a police dog followed a trail of beer and clothes to find him hiding on top of a porch, Edmonton police said on Tuesday. The police dog was called out to a parking lot in the western Canadian city on Monday morning where a beer delivery truck, recently stolen outside a liquor store, had been abandoned after a collision. Edmonton police spokeswoman Karen Carlson said the dog and its handler followed a trail of discarded beer, a cooler, a hand cart and pieces of clothing to a nearby apartment building. “I guess the dog had a pretty good scent to go on,” Carlson said. Just as police readied to enter the apartment building, the suspect was seen climbing out of a second-storey window and on to the roof of the building’s porch. Police said the man was arrested without incident and charged with theft and hit and run.

Someone needs to be grabbed by the short hairs for this one

Michigan County Spends $40,000 After Misspelling “Public”: (AHN) - One Michigan County will spend $40,000 after spelling the word “public” wrong on 170,000 Nov. 7 election ballots. The ballot was proofread five times yet the “L” in the word was still left out. County Clerk Daniel C. Krueger said, “It’s just one of those words. Even after we told people it was in there, they still read over it.” The word was used six times in the ballot but was only misspelled once. An election clerk found the mistake early last week. Now all 170,000 ballots must be reprinted.

I’ve had it with these MF snakes in my MF truck stop!

Snake surprises truck driver: A lorry driver who stopped for a toilet break in a layby got a shock when he discovered he was being watched by an 8ft python. The snake weaved its way toward his feet as he stopped for the break on the A59, near York. He called police who alerted RSPCA staff, reports the York Press. Animal collection officer Helen Martindale said: “The python had wrapped itself around one the branches of the tree and was sitting there staring at us. “It was much bigger than any snakes I’ve dealt with before. Occasionally, we’ve had corn snakes that have escaped, but nothing like this. “The lorry driver said he got the shock of his life when he saw it crawling out of the bushes.” It is thought the snake was abandoned or escaped from a local house. The snake was put in a box and taken to a sanctuary in Knaresborough.

Popularity: 4% [?]