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Yo mama's so fat when she sits around the house she REALLY sits AROUND the house

England were half an hour away from qualifying for Euro 2008, putting behind their poor start in qualifying, choice of manager, team selection debates, and goalkeeping errors. Then it happened. The bottom fell out with a silly Wayne Rooney tackle and another Paul Robinson blunder in goal. McClaren reacted in a panic, bringing on Frank Lampard and Peter Crouch too late to make an impact. And now Russia
are in the driver’s seat with a 2-1 victory.

England’s Euro 2008 qualifying hopes were wrenched out of their own hands as they crashed to defeat in Moscow. The result means Steve McClaren’s side must now beat Croatia at Wembley next month and hope Russia stumble in their remaining games against a hopeless Andorra and an Israel side with nothing to play for.

The Russia substitute Roman Pavlyuchenko grabbed both of his team’s goals in a four-minute spell in the second half, cancelling out Wayne Rooney’s delightfully volleyed first-half opener.

Of course the focus will be on the ineffectiveness of Lampard, the hapless Paul Robinson and the “plastic pitch” - an advanced FieldTurf surface which bears no resemblance to the awful Astroturf surfaces of the 70’s and 80’s - instead of maybe focussing on the overrated Wayne Rooney who scores only for his club, and seems to always make boneheaded decisions that cost England. How many penalties and red cards, hot headed challenges, and ineffective play is worth his supposed special talent? Michael Owen and Emile Heskey or Peter Crouch have yielded much better results for England while Wayne Rooney tries to play left back.

Perhaps one can blame McClaren for putting him in the lineup with Owen instead of trying a better combination - as well as sticking with Paul Robinson even with his poor club play (can you remember successive clean sheets for Tottenham?). There’s also keeping the Gerrard/Lampard combination for too long. All topics for spirited debate over the next month until Russia kick off against Israel. Just don’t blame the surface.

UPDATE (10:39pm Paris time):  France’s Thierry Henry has just put 2 past Lithuania with 10 minutes to go - this coupled with Scotland doing what they do and choking against Georgia and their 17 year old keeper means that neither England nor Scotland now look favorites to go through. I wonder what this means for ESPN’s viewership for the Euro 2008 next summer. At least one good piece of news came out. The US finally won in Europe. Michael Bradley scored the only goal against Euro co-host Switzerland to win 1-0. Freddy Adu almost had another.

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Yo mama's so ugly when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.

Due to some unfortunate blunders with my cable provider I ended up having to “watch” yesterday’s Barca-Bremen game online (thanks, UEFA). Needless to say it was looking bleak down 1-0 and Eto’o carted off (he’s out 5 months!!) but my namesake and future mancrush Lionel Messi came on, mixed it up, attacked the back line and levelled in the 89th minute! YES!!!

Arsenal are back, baby!! Henry 2 headers in 4 days. He hasn’t headed a goal since 2004.

Again, I say Sheva who? Didier Drogba is continuing his assault - with 3 against Levki Sofia. Hats, please.

Wayne Rooney in the midfield? That’s what Louis Saha’s great start to this season has meant to England’s next big thing. Both Saha and Drogba are looking every bit as dangerous now as before they made the move to their respective high profile clubs.

Paul Scholes? Homophobic remarks? Ohh, Paulie …

Crouchaldinho aka The Pipe Cleaner probably scored the goal of the week with his inverted, half-pipe, 135 degree bicycle kick. I swear, his playing footy defies physics.

Valencia did a number on poor Roma who could only manage a penalty kick from the birthday boy Francesco Totti.

Inter is bottom of it’s group after 2 games. and worse - they ammassed 2 red cards yesterday, one to Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Italy’s not doing that well in this tournament.

In 3 weeks, the world will grind to a halt as Chelsea and Barcelona renew their rivalry on Halloween (right?) and Estrella Bucharest try to hold off a hungry Real Madrid. Celtic and Benfica have a pivotal game at Parkhead.

As an American and a student of Beavis and Butthead, the word BUNG is just hilarious to me.

and OH YEAH…

READING ARE INTERESTED IN FREDDIE ADU!!!

Major League Soccer team DC United have cooled speculation linking teenage midfielder Freddy Adu with a move to Reading, insisting he is going nowhere. The regular MLS season ends in the United States in October and Reading were reportedly set to sign the 17-year-old on loan in January. However, a DC United spokesman told BBC Sport: “We expect Freddy to be in our uniform for the foreseeable future. “He is the focal point of the team and a very popular figure at the club.” Adu’s agent Richard Motzkin revealed in February that Manchester United and Chelsea had both mooted their interest in the teenager. In 2004, Adu became the youngest professional MLS player when he signed a deal with DC United - at the age of 14.The Ghana-born midfielder also became the youngest player to compete for the USA when he was handed his senior debut against Canada in March. However, he was left out of their World Cup squad this summer. Reading are thought to be keen for Adu to line up with fellow Americans Bobby Convey, a winger who also played for DC, and goalkeeper Marcus Hahnemann. Adu’s registration with DC United, who have won the championship four times, means he is playing for the most successful club in the 10-year history of the MLS. “DC United have always been a big draw and Adu is also a big draw,” said the spokesman. “We are pleased with the way he has developed.”

Freddy - GO NOW! MLS - Send Him!! He is our future! He needs proper training! Send Him! Look what the EPL did for McBride, Reyna, and Friedel!! Look what staying in MLS did for Donovan.

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Yo mama's so fat when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water.

Yes it’s true. Manchester United has been bounced out of the Champions League BEFORE the knockout stages! To put this in proper perspective, imagine Tiger Woods fnishing 20th in a round of golf against a group of 6 year olds. I suppose this is the beginning of what was feared by ManU supporters when Glazer stepped up to buy out outstanding shares of the club. There were actually chants for his death ! Don’t mess with England’s sport! Plus this loss of European revenue puts the team in an even more precarious finacial situation since Glazer bought the team mostly on credit secured with the team and Old Trafford stadium as collateral. Plus he was recently shot down in an attempt to de-socialize the EPL TV contract. Oooooops!

ManU finished 4th in their group. Behind Benfica and Lille. Lille! and now are out of both Champions League AND UEFA Cup - the red headed stepchild. But I guess this means one thing for sure. ESPN programming chiefs can now get back to the business of putting FC Barcelona and world footballer of the year and soccer badass Ronaldinho on TV over here. I’m sick of the 0-0 matches between defensive minded EPL teams. How many times must I be subjected to Frank Lampard’s hurricane hair and Petr Cech saving every shot. I need some offense. Chicks dig the free kick!

Note: Lampard might be in Barca next year!

In other news, Freddy Adu has ended his feud and allegedly will return to D.C. United next year. I’ll believe it when I see it. This guy is the future face of American soccer and actually puts together more coherent thoughts than Landon Donovan (not that that’s hard to do) and he’s being buried on the bench of an MLS team? WTF? I’m sure he’s thinking “I could be in South London right now buried behind guys like Joe Cole and Lampard and the Iceman (Eidur Gudjohnson) and getting better challenges in practice.” He’s one of the richest American stars and he’s coming off the bench like he’s Kevin McHale or Antoine Walker. Freddy is ready for England!

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