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March 22, 2009

Spitzer Swallows. Then Returns To The Air



 

The sad thing is – this guy was ready made for this kind of crisis. He’s the guy we needed on TV to speak on this while Tim Geithner and Barny Frank trip over their tongues. He’s the one who would tell the financially ignorant congressmen to go take a hike and call out the free-market fondlers for giving guns to the Wall Street chimps. Why’d he have to go get caught? Why’d he not know that his enemies would have exposed any wrongdoing he was doing. Shoulda stayed in your lane. Dumbass.

Spitzer: I failed in a very important way – CNN.com




(CNN) — In his first television interview since being forced from office in a prostitution scandal, former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer talked with CNN about his personal failings, the AIG bailout and President Obama’s handling of the economy.

In a wide-ranging discussion, Spitzer told CNN’s “Fareed Zakaria GPS” that he thinks he still has a duty to speak about issues like million-dollar bonuses to American International Group executives, but that he comments on the issues “with full awareness and heaviness of heart about what I did.”

“I would say to [critics] that I never held myself out as being anything other than human,” he said in the interview, which airs Sunday at 1 p.m. ET. “I have flaws as we all do, arguably. I failed in a very important way in my personal life. And I have paid a price for that.”

The former governor, a Democrat who led New York from January 2007 until he resigned in March 2008, was hired recently by Slate magazine to write a regular online column.

Spitzer, who was New York’s attorney general for eight years, said he is concerned about the economic crisis and other problems the nation is confronting.

“These are issues that I feel deeply about,” he said. “But I am where I am because of my own conduct. And as I say, I make no excuses.”

His first column for Slate criticized the federal government’s bailout programs. One of the companies to receive bailout money ($173 billion) was insurance giant AIG, which scheduled $165 million in bonuses to senior executives.

Spitzer told CNN that executive bonuses may grab headlines, but the insurance company’s payouts on complicated financial instruments deserve closer examination.

Spitzer said that AIG was at the “center of the web” of transactions that have forced a massive bailout of the U.S. financial system, and that the insurer’s woes stem from financial practices he first investigated as New York’s attorney general.

“Back then I said to people, ‘AIG is the center of the web.’ The financial tentacles of this company stretched to every major investment bank,” he said.

AIG’s collapse stemmed largely from its array of exotic financial products such as credit-default swaps, which went sour when the U.S. housing market turned south after 2006.

“Bonus is a real issue. It touches us viscerally,” Spitzer said. But he added, “The real money and the real structural issue is the dynamic between AIG and the counterparties.”

Much of the $170 billion in taxpayer funds AIG has received is going straight to the buyers of its instruments, which amounted to a form of insurance on mortgage-backed bonds.

With the housing market in free fall and foreclosure rates spiking, those bonds have tumbled dramatically. That forced AIG to pay out money it didn’t have to its clients.

“Virtually all” of the $80 billion-plus in the initial AIG bailout went to the company’s counterparties, including nearly $13 billion to investment bank Goldman Sachs alone, Spitzer said.

“Why did that happen? What questions were asked? Why did we need to pay 100 cents on the dollar on those transactions if we had to pay anything?” he asked. “What would have happened to the financial system had it not been paid? These are the questions that should be pursued,” he said.

Spitzer looked at AIG’s financial practices as attorney general, an inquiry that led to the resignation of Maurice “Hank” Greenberg, the insurance giant’s longtime chairman, in 2005. iReport.com: Sound off on AIG

Spitzer commended Obama for the way the he has handled the economic crisis, comparing the situation to putting out 500 fires.

It is a difficult task to institute good policies that will bring back the economy while keeping support of the nation’s citizens, Spitzer said.

“I think one of the largest, most difficult tasks that he has is to control the outrage that is brewing in the public, sympathize with it and garner it, but use it to get good policy, not policy based upon anger,” he said.

Siptzer Swallows. Then Resigns.

ahh the jokes will never get old. Nor will the ponzi schemes.

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March 11, 2008

Eliot Mess? Spitzer Swallows? The Jokes Are In



 

The Spitzer Scandal was only a few hours old and the Late Night TV writers were hard at work on the Spitzer Jokes:
Daily Show/Colbert News One Liners

Spitzer Swallows
Eliott Mess

Stephen Colbert

Now, the governor was supposed to give a press conference today at 2:15 p.m. but a whole hour passed before he spoke. To be fair, it is daylight savings time and the governor usually has a prostitute change his clocks.

David Letterman

Do you think it’s too soon to be hitting on Mrs. Eliot Spitzer?

Right about now, Spitzer is huddling with his advisers to develop a drinking problem.He even He had yellow crime scene tape draped around his pants.

The thinking now is that the governor may step down now to spend less time with his family.

Letterman’s Top 10 Spitzer Excuses

10. “Oh come on, like you were never involved in a prostitution ring.”
9. “Hookers is fun.”
8. “Just trying to help the economy.”
7. “Have you ever been to Albany?”
6. “It’s part of my new MTV prank show, ‘Spitz’d.’”
5. “Haven’t been myself since Roy Scheider died.”
4. “Uh, tainted beef?”
3. “Whether it’s a hooker or your wife, you’re always paying for – you married fellas know what I’m talking about.”
2. “Wanted to be known as the Charlie Sheen of politics.”
1. “I thought Bill Clinton legalized this years ago.”

Jay Leno

They found the source of all global warming in America: Eliot Spitzer’s pants

Hillary Clinton is now only the second angriest woman in the State of New York

Conan O’Brien

Governor Spitzer — this is the latest — responded just a few hours ago by saying, ‘I violated my obligations to my family and I violated my sense of right and wrong.’ Yes, Spitzer also admitted violating someone named Amber.

More to come, surely!


UPDATED Mar 11 9:30 GMT

Videos



Letterman monologue



Letterman’s Top 10



The Daily Show



The Colbert Report

More jokes and one-liners from FreeRepublic

Engine Engine #9 Parodies
Mr. Spitzer, Number Nine,
Going down the Northeast Line,
If the whore is on some crack,
Do you want your money back?

Client, client number 9,
Running down the hooker line.
If she knocks you off the track,
Do you want your money back?



Q: What was Governor Spitzer working on with those young ladies?
A:: The State of his Union.

Pictures

“Eliot — PHONE HO”

NJ: At least your govenor is straight.

Spitzer takes a “Wide Stance” on Ethics Issues….

There once was a Govn’r named Spitzer,
Who couldn’t control his own spritzer.
He used his account
For Kristen to mount,
Got caught and it’s too late to diss her.

“Mr. Spitzer left a deposit.”
Will it leave a stain on has career?

PROSTITUTIN’ SPITZ
Tune: Puttin’ on the Ritz

If you’re guv
And wish you knew
Where to get love
Why don’t you do
Like hypocrites
Prostitutin’ Spitz

Girls with names
You find out after
Play their games
And soon you hafta
Call it quits
Prostitutin’ Spitz

Hooked up with a thousand-dollar hooker
Now you’re stuck inside the pressure cooker
Lookin’ snookered

Call-girl tricks
Of pure excitement
Pay for kicks
With your indictment
Paging Fitz
Prosecutin’ Spitz



Unrelated One Liners
You know why Chelsea Clinton is so Ugly? Because Janet Reno is her Father!

I want to “Buy American” but the only things for sale made in the USA are politicians


More from Conan:

New York’s Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned today and to make things official, Governor Spitzer had to write a letter of resignation to New York’s Secretary of State. Out of habit, Spitzer addressed the letter, “Dear Penthouse.”

Because Eliot Spitzer is resigning as Governor of New York, that means Hillary Clinton has lost another superdelegate. On the bright side: Bill Clinton has gained a super wing man.



Conan and Snoop – in the Year 2000


More Top Tens from David Letterman:

Top Ten Surprises During Eliot Spitzer’s Resignation

10. Entered to the sounds of Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin’”

9. Opening line: “Are you a cop?”

8. Spent two minutes seductively stroking the microphone

7. Reaffirmed his policy of “Bro’s before Ho’s”

6. His decision not to wear pants

5. Admitted he also once made out with former Governor Pataki

4. Credited downfall to fast-paced lifestyle of Albany

3. He was kinda pitchy, dawg

2. Said he thought the Emperor’s Club was a Chinese restaurant

1. When reporters asked how much he paid per hour, his wife said, “Believe me, he doesn’t need an hour”

Top Ten Messages Left on Eliot Spitzer’s Answering Machine

10. Hey, what’s new?

9. It’s Barack Obama. Remember our conversation about being my running mate? Nevermind.

8. Ralph Nader here, glad to hear I’m not the only politician who has to pay for it

7. I’m calling from the ‘New York Post.’ Would you rather be known as ‘Disgraced Gov Perv’ or ‘Humiliated Whore Fiend’?

6. This is John McCain, if it makes you feel better, I once got caught having sex with Lincoln’s wife

5. It’s Dr. Phil, call me if you need any horse**** advice

4. This is Senator Larry Craig. Do you ever go through the Minneapolis airport?

3. It’s Wolf Blitzer. Call me if you ever want a hot Spitzer-Blitzer three-way

2. Paris Hilton here. I would have done it for free

1. It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks, I’m no longer America’s creepiest governor

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March 10, 2008

Eliot Spitzer? Prostitution? Oh Dear!



 

Man – you can only trust them as far as you can throw them, eh? Ol’ “Hang-Em High Spitzer”, champion of Wall Street Justice who parlayed his publicity into running for governor went and
threw it all away:

Eliot spitzerNew York Governor and Democrat Eliot Spitzer may be involved in a prostitution ring Fox news is reporting. The New York governor was involved in the ring according to a report from the New York Times. He was quote involved unquote according to a report from an insider that is on air at CNN.

Governor Elliott Spitzer is married with three daughters. The Times story is breaking so details are sketchy, but the story is a shocker and news broadcasts continue to report that they are stunned because Spitzer is married with children and vowed to clean up corruption when he ran for governor.

It appears that the information is solid as the story has now been published by the New York Times website. Spitzer was elected Governor in November of 2006 with 69% of the vote. He faced Republican John Faso and John Clifton of the Libertarian Party of New York among others. That was considered a mandate but he has struggled at times to get things done.

He is a former attorney general that has actually gone after two prostitution rings in the state. The story will continue to develop all day.

What’s funny is that he apparently went to this “lady of the night” the night before Valentine’s Day. Ooooooh that’s gotta hurt. He should have told CNN that is was just part of his undercover job, or that he was counseling her.

But even better with this is the fact that he was caught using a wire tap. I don’t know if it was granted from a judge, but if it wasn’t – this sure makes you feel good about the wire tapping being used for terrorism. And I’m sure Spitzer being a Democrat had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Still, it’s amazingly and disappointingly hilarious. Valentines Day. Wife and 3 kids. Attorney General.

I’ll be anxiously awaiting his resignation, so that Lieutenant Governor David Patterson can succeed him, becoming the first Black governor in New York history. Yay blacks!

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