February 20, 2008

DirecTV - The Fine Print

Yo mama's so ugly when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows

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dtvAs Champions League knockout season rolls around, I’m considering purchasing DirecTV (or Dish) so that I can get ESPN Deportes and Setanta as well as have access to NFL Sunday Ticket or March Madness (if I decide to). What I like about DirecTV over Dish is that they have a separate sports tier that I can get without having to order the most expensive plan just so I can get Fox Soccer Channel.

Reason being is that Comcast sucks and their digital cable channels keep going out at the most inopportune times (like right before games). It’s amazing how many times I have to call their customer service and hear the recorded message “We are aware of an outage in your area” - what kind of service is that? And their sports tier forces me to get a bunch of channels I don’t want. I don’t usually like bundling, but I don’t mind it if it makes sense.

DirecTV has a compelling offer going on: $39.99 for all the channels I’ll need, $12 for the Sports pack and $15 for Setanta (still not sure about ESPN Deportes yet, but I may not need it with Setanta), free standard installation, one free receiver, and a $50 Visa Gift Card to boot. Unfortunately - like any good deal - there’s always the fine print:

Full Offer Details
†Eligibility based on service address.

††After instant online rebate. Programming, DVR and/or HD Access fee committment required.

**To access DIRECTV HD programming, HD Access fee ($9.99/mo.), a 5-LNB Multi-Satellite Dish, HD receiver, and HD television equipment are required.

$50 VISA GIFT CARD OFFER: Offer available to new residential customers who sign up for and maintain Auto Bill Pay (with a valid credit card) for at least sixty (60) days. Within 30 days of fulfilling Auto Bill Pay requirement DIRECTV will ship one (1) $50 Visa® Gift Card to the name and address used to activate DIRECTV account. Qualifying customers should receive the gift card in approximately six to eight weeks after completion of commitment. One gift card per customer for the life of the program. DIRECTV is not responsible for late, lost, illegible, mutilated, incomplete, misdirected or postage due mail. Offer expires 2/26/08.

BILL CREDIT/PROGRAMMING OFFER: Upon DIRECTV System activation, customer must complete and sign redemption form (included in customer’s first DIRECTV bill, a separate mailing or, in the state of New York, from retailer) and comply with the terms of the form. Account must be in “good standing,” as determined by DIRECTV in its sole discretion, to remain eligible. DIRECTV not responsible for late, lost, illegible, mutilated, incomplete, misdirected or postage–due mail. Limit one bill credit offer per account. IF, AFTER 12 CONSECUTIVE MONTHS (3 MONTHS FOR HBO, STARZ, SHOWTIME and CINEMAX), CUSTOMER DOES NOT CONTACT DIRECTV TO CHANGE SERVICE, THEN ALL SERVICES TO WHICH CUSTOMER IS SUBSCRIBING WILL AUTOMATICALLY CONTINUE ON THE 13TH MONTH (4TH MONTH FOR HBO, STARZ, SHOWTIME and CINEMAX) AT THE THEN–PREVAILING RATES, INCLUDING THE $4.99/MO. LEASE FEE FOR THE 2ND AND EACH ADDITIONAL RECEIVER. In certain markets, programming/pricing may vary. Package pricing at directv.com/packages. DIRECTV System has a feature which restricts access to channels.

INSTANT ONLINE REBATE DETAILS: Valid only for new customers between 1/1/08 and 6/30/08. For customers who purchase 24 consecutive months (without interruption) of any DIRECTV base programming package ($29.99/mo. or above) or qualifying international services bundle within 30 days of equipment lease. Offer valid for leased equipment only. DVR service commitment ($5.99/mo.) for DVR and HD DVR lease; HD Access fee ($9.99/mo.) required for HD and HD DVR lease. LIMIT ONE ADVANCED EQUIOMENT REBATE PER DIRECTV ACCOUNT. In certain markets, programming and pricing may vary. May not be substituted for cash or credit, and cannot be transferred or exchanged. May not be combined with any other offer. Refurbished/reconditioned equipment purchases and/or exchanges through DIRECTV do not qualify. Not valid for purchases by groups, clubs or organizations. Offer void where prohibited, taxed or restricted.

INSTALLATION: Standard professional installation only. Custom installation extra.

SYSTEM LEASE: Purchase of 18 consecutive months (24 months for advanced receivers) of any DIRECTV base programming package ($29.99/mo. or above) or qualifying international services bundle required. FAILURE TO ACTIVATE ALL DIRECTV SYSTEM EQUIPMENT IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE EQUIPMENT LEASE ADDENDUM MAY RESULT IN A CHARGE OF $150 PER RECEIVER NOT ACTIVATED. IF YOU FAIL TO MAINTAIN YOUR PROGRAMMING COMMITMENT, DIRECTV MAY CHARGE A PRORATED FEE OF UP TO $480. RECEIVERS ARE AT ALL TIMES PROPERTY OF DIRECTV AND MUST BE RETURNED UPON CANCELLATION OF SERVICE OR ADDITIONAL FEES MAY APPLY. VISIT directv.com OR CALL 1–800–DIRECTV FOR DETAILS. Programming, pricing, terms and conditions subject to change at any time. Pricing residential. Taxes not included. Receipt of DIRECTV programming subject to DIRECTV Customer Agreement; copy provided at directv.com/legal and in first bill. DIRECTV, Inc. DIRECTV and the Cyclone Design logo are registered trademarks of DIRECTV, Inc. All other trademarks and service marks are the property of their respective owners.

WTF?!? Looks like I’ll be buying my receiver and doing the details myself! Unless there’s a better solution.

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