Yo mama's so fat when the bitch goes to an all You can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.The new England manager is introduced to the press - and he doesn’t speak English. Surely a sore spot for the proud English football supporters.
And the newspapers were right on target with the derision. The Sun:
So what did we learn yesterday? Precious little to add to what we already knew.
The mountain of information made available to us had included his love of philosophy, classical music and art.
He is even rumoured to have a £5million Chagall hanging on his wall. Which made a change from Sven, whose own taste was more along the lines of Shag-all.
He also likes hiking in Tibet and visiting archaeological sites.
Well, he’s come to a classic one here.
England, the country whose football is in a similar state of disrepair to the Foro Romano, the ancient Roman ruins he knows so well from his time in the Italian capital.
The Daily Mail seemed a little more perturbed:
But when the formalities were completed, it was clear it was not Capello being welcomed into this New England, it was us.
We are now outsiders. We wait for some translated banality to be passed on like grateful tourists in our own national game. All thanks to a governing body that has so completely lost sight of its duty that the country’s team has merely a passing acquaintance with England.
In fact, the only evidence of a meaningful English presence in this entire charade is on the banknotes bearing The Queen’s face currently being whisked away to an Italian bank by Capello and his legion of coaching staff.
But The Telegraph gave him the respect his experience and presence commanded:
Fabio Capello swept into an auditorium at the Royal Lancaster Hotel in London yesterday like a distinguished emeritus professor from Italy intent on educating a bunch of unruly English undergraduates. His audience was swiftly captivated, spell-bound by the presence of a managerial heavyweight now in the Football Association’s employ.
The FA have been involved in some momentous calamities in recent years -building the white elephant that is Wembley, dithering over the much-needed National Football Centre, and appointing Steve McClaren - but yesterday they displayed a fitness to govern by asking Capello to bring some method to the madness of English football.
From McClaren to Capello, from the Wally with the Brolly to the Man with the Plan, in 26 days: even by England’s surreal, switchback standards, this has been a staggering turnaround. The game’s maturing process from penalty-missing, tournament-missing adolescence to trophy-chasing adulthood has only just begun.
It’s going to be an interesting and fun four years. Expect Becks to get his 100th and play some part on the bench in a leadership and experience role. At least for 2008.
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