November 16, 2006

What are YOU getting for the wedding?

Yo mama's so fat she was baptized at Marine World.

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Well, since I was so consumed with cheering on Emmit Smith’s victory in Dancing with the Stars - his 4th career championship - I completely forgot about this. I’m so unprepared!! I need your help to figure out what I should get Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes for their wedding.

I can’t wait to go. It’s going to be, as the kids say nowadays, off the chain. All the stars will be there creating the kind of ambiance and atmosphere where you could cut the myopia with a knife! Take a look at the registry and see what you recommend. Meanwhile here are some tidbits about the wedding from The Insider:

TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES are causing a sensation in the tiny town of Bracciano as they prepare to wed Saturday. Flashbulbs popped as they were spotted on the streets of Rome with their bella baby girl, SURI! TomKat’s lavish ceremony is set to take place in only two days and our LARA SPENCER is on the ground with the latest news. “Paparazzi from all over the world, China to Australia, are here waiting for hours on end for one shot of Tom,” Lara reports.

I hope my hotel room reservations went through. Or I may HAVE TO roam alone.

Today, “The Insider” has more star guest news. We’ve learned that JADA PINKETT, one of the first stars to see baby Suri, is flying over to Europe. Invited guest, singer MARC ANTHONY, is also en route to the big event, and BROOKE SHIELDS is reported to have an invite. She and Katie were spotted getting chummy at a charity event on Oct. 29th, after Tom apologized to her for comments he made about post-partum depression last year.

No way - the pill popper is going to be seen in a no-drug-zone such as the Ceremony of Scientological Matrimony? BTW Curious that after all that Scientology stuff … NOW they wanted a Roman Catholic ceremony. Any priest that does that should have to go on the book signing tour with OJ Simpson.

It’s also been reported that KIRSTIE ALLEY, DAVID and VICTORIA BECKHAM, RUSSELL CROWE, STEVEN SPIELBERG, MIRA SORVINO and ASHLEY JUDD are all flying in for the event — with star pilot JOHN TRAVOLTA reportedly shuttling the attendees aboard his private jet.

Barbarino will be flying these guys to Italy? Oh dear - John Denver and JFK Jr. must be …. nevermind. $10 says with Posh over there there will be rumors of Beckham moving to Italy in January.

Speaking of Tom, the groom was spotted exiting the posh Hotel Hassler last night with his son, CONNOR. The family arrived in Rome on Monday with baby Suri and Tom’s kids, ISABELLA and Connor. Sources inside the hotel have revealed that the top floor has been cordoned off and that on Monday night, the hotel’s restaurant prepared a meal believed to be for the future Mr. and Mrs. Cruise.

Sources also say that there were no laxatives placed in said food.

Regarding the wedding, “The Insider” has learned that event planner to the stars EDGAR ZAMORA is rumored to be bringing the whole affair together. Tom and Katie would no doubt be in good hands, since Edgar was also behind JESSICA SIMPSON and NICK LACHEY’s wedding, as well as CHARLIE SHEEN and DENISE RICHARDS’ big day. Famed Italian tenor ANDREA BOCELLI is said to be serenading the couple on their wedding day. Roman newspapers proclaim that the blind singer with the angelic voice will be a guest at the wedding as well as singing for the couple.

What? No Justin Timberlake or Fergie?

Sources say Tom’s ex NICOLE KIDMAN won’t be attending, but that she’s already taken care of the gift — a pricey Baccarat vase.

Yeah - her gift was to herself when she filed for divorce from that nut.

In other TomKat news, Katie’s ARMANI gown will reportedly be cream-colored, and Tom’s tux is believed to be gray, which will also be the color scheme for the guest restroom towels. We’ve also learned that Katie has given the final seal of approval to her wedding gown after her last fitting! Another famous Italian design house, BUCCELLATI, will be doing the posh place settings.

No white dress? The hell you say! Oh yeah … Almost forgot about the bundle of joy that they alien stork brought. Ashamed Katie’s not marrying the real father.

And what about Tom’s pal, Miss O? OPRAH WINFREY told us that she has not been invited to the nuptials but will definitely send a gift.

I guess that’s payback for slingshotting Tom Cruise’s star from astronomical Mission Impossible heights to “um - we’re gonna get Ben Stiller instead” lows.

So - what are you getting for TomKat’s wedding? I know what I could get for Suri - better parents. Wonder if Madonna is busy…

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