2006 November | myopiclunacy.com

November 16, 2006

What are YOU getting for the wedding?

Filed under: Celebs, Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise — Tags: Celebs, cruise, holmes, katie, Katie Holmes, Katie-Holmes, sarcasm, tom, Tom-Cruise, wedding — webadmin @ 5:09 am

Well, since I was so consumed with cheering on Emmit Smith’s victory in Dancing with the Stars – his 4th career championship – I completely forgot about this. I’m so unprepared!! I need your help to figure out what I should get Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes for their wedding.

I can’t wait to go. It’s going to be, as the kids say nowadays, off the chain. All the stars will be there creating the kind of ambiance and atmosphere where you could cut the myopia with a knife! Take a look at the registry and see what you recommend. Meanwhile here are some tidbits about the wedding from The Insider:

TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES are causing a sensation in the tiny town of Bracciano as they prepare to wed Saturday. Flashbulbs popped as they were spotted on the streets of Rome with their bella baby girl, SURI! TomKat’s lavish ceremony is set to take place in only two days and our LARA SPENCER is on the ground with the latest news. “Paparazzi from all over the world, China to Australia, are here waiting for hours on end for one shot of Tom,” Lara reports.

I hope my hotel room reservations went through. Or I may HAVE TO roam alone.

Today, “The Insider” has more star guest news. We’ve learned that JADA PINKETT, one of the first stars to see baby Suri, is flying over to Europe. Invited guest, singer MARC ANTHONY, is also en route to the big event, and BROOKE SHIELDS is reported to have an invite. She and Katie were spotted getting chummy at a charity event on Oct. 29th, after Tom apologized to her for comments he made about post-partum depression last year.

No way – the pill popper is going to be seen in a no-drug-zone such as the Ceremony of Scientological Matrimony? BTW Curious that after all that Scientology stuff … NOW they wanted a Roman Catholic ceremony. Any priest that does that should have to go on the book signing tour with OJ Simpson.

It’s also been reported that KIRSTIE ALLEY, DAVID and VICTORIA BECKHAM, RUSSELL CROWE, STEVEN SPIELBERG, MIRA SORVINO and ASHLEY JUDD are all flying in for the event — with star pilot JOHN TRAVOLTA reportedly shuttling the attendees aboard his private jet.

Barbarino will be flying these guys to Italy? Oh dear – John Denver and JFK Jr. must be …. nevermind. $10 says with Posh over there there will be rumors of Beckham moving to Italy in January.

Speaking of Tom, the groom was spotted exiting the posh Hotel Hassler last night with his son, CONNOR. The family arrived in Rome on Monday with baby Suri and Tom’s kids, ISABELLA and Connor. Sources inside the hotel have revealed that the top floor has been cordoned off and that on Monday night, the hotel’s restaurant prepared a meal believed to be for the future Mr. and Mrs. Cruise.

Sources also say that there were no laxatives placed in said food.

Regarding the wedding, “The Insider” has learned that event planner to the stars EDGAR ZAMORA is rumored to be bringing the whole affair together. Tom and Katie would no doubt be in good hands, since Edgar was also behind JESSICA SIMPSON and NICK LACHEY’s wedding, as well as CHARLIE SHEEN and DENISE RICHARDS’ big day. Famed Italian tenor ANDREA BOCELLI is said to be serenading the couple on their wedding day. Roman newspapers proclaim that the blind singer with the angelic voice will be a guest at the wedding as well as singing for the couple.

What? No Justin Timberlake or Fergie?

Sources say Tom’s ex NICOLE KIDMAN won’t be attending, but that she’s already taken care of the gift — a pricey Baccarat vase.

Yeah – her gift was to herself when she filed for divorce from that nut.

In other TomKat news, Katie’s ARMANI gown will reportedly be cream-colored, and Tom’s tux is believed to be gray, which will also be the color scheme for the guest restroom towels. We’ve also learned that Katie has given the final seal of approval to her wedding gown after her last fitting! Another famous Italian design house, BUCCELLATI, will be doing the posh place settings.

No white dress? The hell you say! Oh yeah … Almost forgot about the bundle of joy that they alien stork brought. Ashamed Katie’s not marrying the real father.

And what about Tom’s pal, Miss O? OPRAH WINFREY told us that she has not been invited to the nuptials but will definitely send a gift.

I guess that’s payback for slingshotting Tom Cruise’s star from astronomical Mission Impossible heights to “um – we’re gonna get Ben Stiller instead” lows.

So – what are you getting for TomKat’s wedding? I know what I could get for Suri – better parents. Wonder if Madonna is busy…

Popularity: 1% [?]

Comments (0)

November 14, 2006

OJ Simpson to Sorta Confess on TV?!? FOX Does It Again!!

Filed under: Fox, Johnny Cochran, Murder, Nicole Brown, OJ Simpson, Racism — Tags: Fox, Johnny Cochran, Johnny-Cochran, Murder, Nicole Brown, Nicole-Brown, OJ Simpson, OJ-Simpson, Racism — webadmin @ 6:51 am

Is it possible for a company to go to hell? How about maybe charging them as an accessory to murder. They can’t retry OJ, but they can try FOX! Get Vanatter to smear some blood on the FOX backlot or Furman to slur Solomon Wilcots or the guy from 24. Or Apu! Macaca Apu – that’ll do it. Where’s Sargeant Stacey Coon to crack some skulls when you need him? Where’s Rodney? Where’s Reginald? Where’s Ice T???

Oh man alive, I never thought Man vs Beast could be topped, but who better to do it than the biggest pariah EVAR on the most shameless network EVAR!! Well, biggest pariah this side of Salman Rushdie. Whatever happened to him anyways? I wonder if he’ll be a correspondent for the new Al Jazeera English network with my new babe crush Ghida Fakhry. But I digress…

The man went detating people caps, claims he didn’t do it – claims it took him 15 minutes to get from Rockingham to Bundy at 2 in the morning (it took me 4 mins at 11pm), hasn’t paid the Goldmans a dime from the civil judgement, has his money in the Caymans, stole cable, had steak knives hidden from him at Mortons, dated some girl who was doing drugs with Pedro Guerero, was involved in a missing cat incident while assuring local cops by saying “don’t worry, I’ll handle it” (HAH!!), had his poor daughter so mentally beat down that she had to call 911 sobbing to find some support, and wanted to star in a ripoff of MTV’s Punk’d where his tagline to the unsuspecting victim…err… prankee was going to be …. wait for it … “You’ve been Juiced!” Yeah – Nicole and Ron got juiced too – and Jack Lalaine wasn’t even involved!

I won’t even get into his abject disinterest in participating in the civil rights efforts in the late 60’s – he never ever claimed racism until he bit off more than he could chew with the murders, his picture was darkened on Time magazine, and his trial was turned into a referendum on race relations and the LAPD. The only reason he got off is that, societally, the LAPD was even worse than he was!

But just when you think you’ve relegated him to the 8-Mile of society where he can stay tucked away like your neked pictures from that drunken night at school or that nasty wart on your shoulder, he comes storming back like Mel Gibson from on top of that hill (ok, so maybe a bad analogy) and now is going to make watching Fox on November 27th and 29th like making the walk of shame.

Well you know what – if I can curl up in front of the tele to have that age-old question answered (who CAN pull the airplane faster – an elephant or 40 midgets…err.. small people) then surely I can peep Orenthal the rock toting murderer get loose on his alleged hypotheticals on whether he sliced up first or down. I hope the host of that TV show has a bodyguard and chain mail armor underwear.

OJ – America’s most notorious train wreck!!!

O.J. Hypothetically Confesses on FOX
Simpson didn’t do it, but if he had, this is how he would have, or so he says

Thank heavens for double jeopardy. On Monday, Nov. 27 and Wednesday, Nov. 29, O.J. Simpson, acquitted murderer and NFL Hall-of-Famer, will star in a two-part FOX special sensitively titled “O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened.” We’ll let that sink in for a second or two. Publisher Judith Regan and Simpson will have a no-holds-barred interview in which he, among other things, “tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes.”

“This is an interview that no one thought would ever happen,” says FOX’s reality programming guru Mike Darnell. “It’s the definitive last chapter in the Trial of the Century.” Although Simpson was acquitted of murdering Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, he was later found responsible for both murders in a civil suit. At the time, he was ordered to pay $33.5 million in restitution to the families of the victims, a penalty that remains outstanding. The special is perfectly timed around the release of Simpson’s book “If I Did It,” which will be released on Nov. 30.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Comments (1)

November 8, 2006

Could It Be? We’re Bringing Sanity Back?

Filed under: Democrats, Election, Politics, Republicans, Rumsfeld — Tags: Democrats, Election, Politics, Republicans, Rumsfeld — webadmin @ 7:06 am

After years and years of magic tricks, tough talk, shock and awe, and fear-based politics America has finally recovered from it’s extremist era (except in Tennessee). After getting their asses kicked in the congressional races, Bush has finally identified “A Known Known” in this new America: we needed an actual Defense Secretary running things. And that happened today finally as Rumsfeld (who looks like Agent Bill Maxwell from teh Greatest American Hero) graciously “resigned.” Rumsfeld’s legacy:

Shock and Awe
Unknown Unknowns
You go to war with the army you have
Catching Saddam
Not catching Osama
Bad Intel
Taking the “We’re doing well” mantle from Baghdad Bob

Let’s hope this new guy actually knows what the hell he’s doing – but I guess you can say – any direction is better than the current one. Is it any wonder why following this announcement the Dow closed at a new record high?

What does this all mean? Well it means to me that, yes Martha, the Moderates are back. No more of the extremist tree huggers and bible thumping zealots setting the agenda. No more of the neo-con think tankers designs of democracy flowing down the streets of Arabia and Persia. Just like Clinton’s last 5 or 6 years, the Third Way has returned to politics, and we don’t need 3 parties to achieve it.

The Democrats who won today aren’t talking about gay marriage or screaming about “Under God” in the pledge or what have you. They’re talking about the things we really care about – namely the war, fiscal responsibility, and smart solutions to immigration, the economy, etc. This along with Obamamania will hopefully shape the Democratic vision for 2008 as well as guide the Republicans farther away from the Christian Coalition Crazies that have dragged the party, and America down the past few years. There’s already talk about McCain now being effectively the #2 GOPer now behind Bush.

Memo to Macaca Allen and Conrad Burns: GIVE IT UP!! Don’t become what you accused Al Gore of in 2000. If you even think of asking for a recount – you are a loser and you will never do anything more of significance in your political career.The people have spoken – step aside.

Here are some interesting facts on the election:

Nancy Pelosi will be the first woman to serve as Speaker of the House of Representatives and the third highest official after president and vice-president. [Link]
Pelosi will also be the first Italian-American elected as House Speaker.
For the first time, three African-Americans — Charlie Rangel (D-NY), John Conyers (D-MI), and Bennie Thompson (D-MS) — will serve simultaneously as House committee chairmen. [Link]
Keith Ellison (D-MN), elected to the House yesterday, will become the first Muslim to serve in Congress. [Link]
With Claire McCaskill’s (D) Senate victory in Missouri, a record number of women (15) will now serve in the U.S. Senate. [Link]
Governor-elect Deval Patrick (D-MA) became the first black governor elected in Massachussetts and the second African-American elected governor in the nation. [Link]

It’s mid-morning again in America.

Still The One

Popularity: 1% [?]

Comments (0)

November 7, 2006

Hardly the News – 11/7

Filed under: Hardly Newsworthy — Tags: funny, Hardly Newsworthy, newa, weird — webadmin @ 5:17 pm

Wrecked ‘Em Tool

Naked man arrested for concealed weapon: EL CERRITO, Calif. (AP) — A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said. The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said. John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan. “You can’t get much more concealed than that,” Horgan said. Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident. Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon. “When you’re talking about an awl or an ice pick and you’re dealing with somebody who’s fresh out of prison, it’s a weapon. That’s a stabbing instrument,” Horgan said. It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.

Bad Halloween Costume Choices

Trick’s on N.Y. jail officials as ex-inmate trick-or-treating in jumpsuit prompts lockdown: WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. — A jail went into lockdown and recounted its prisoners on Halloween night after a former inmate was spotted trick-or-treating in his old orange prisoner’s jumpsuit. “Bad choice of costume,” said Susan Tolchin, chief adviser to Westchester County Executive Andrew Spano. The former inmate, Oscar Aponte, was taking his daughter trick-or-treating in Peekskill on Tuesday night when a county correction officer — also out trick-or-treating with her child — spotted the familiar jumpsuit, Tolchin said. “She confronted him, and he ran and drove off,” Tolchin said. The officer took down the man’s license plate and called authorities. The jail went into lockdown until a prisoner count established that no one was missing. Meanwhile, police found Aponte, confiscated the genuine jumpsuit and let him go. Aponte was arrested and charged Wednesday with petty larceny and possession of stolen property, both misdemeanors, Tolchin said. She said prisoners are not permitted to take their jumpsuits home when they are released. There was no telephone listing for Aponte’s address. Aponte was in the jail from May to September for violating probation on a drunken driving charge.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Comments (0)

November 6, 2006

Chelsea’s Booking Parade continues

Filed under: Aaron Lennon, Barcelona, Chelsea, Joe Cole, John Terry, Jose Mourinho, Tottenham — Tags: Aaron Lennon, Barcelona, Chelsea, EPL, Joe Cole, John Terry, Jose Mourinho, Tottenham — webadmin @ 5:05 am

Fresh off having seemingly every member of the starting 11 plus substitute Joe Cole booked against Barcelona in midweek, it seems the Blues were at it again on Sunday against crosstown rivals Tottenham at White Hart Lane. John Terry was sent off late in the match after Tottenham took the lead for good on Aaron Lennon’s winner.

Hey Mourinho – you may want to coach your guys to play without shin-kicking, rib-elbowing and shirt yanking. Just a thought.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Comments (0)

November 5, 2006

The Bears are who WE thought they were…

Filed under: Brian Urlacher, Chicago Bears, Jason Taylor, Joey Harrington, Miami Dolphins, NFL, Ronnie Brown, football — Tags: Brian Urlacher, Chicago Bears, football, Jason Taylor, Joey Harrington, Miami Dolphins, NFL, Ronnie Brown — webadmin @ 5:07 am

But we DIDN’T let them off the hook!

For all the interceptions, first down granting penalties, and missed FGs, I can’t say how awesome it is that we came out and not only defended our undefeated season, but also hopefully turned the corner this season.

Ronnie Brown was a freakin BEAST!!!! and the line was out of it’s mind. I don’t remember any false starts! And for all the bad things I say about Harrington, he stepped up and made some key plays today.

And I don’t even have to mention team leader Jason Taylor. Let’s hope HE keeps THIS up.

GREAT win for the Dolphins.