October 11, 2006

Hardly the News - 10/11

Filed under: Hardly Newsworthy — La Bestia @ 5:20 pm
Tags: , ,
Yo mama's so fat that when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.

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Why won’t she just go away? That money should be considered a crazy stipend.

Runaway Bride Suing Former Groom: Atlanta, GA (AHN) - A bride-to-be who ran out on her husband and launched a nationwide manhunt for her after she dissappeared, is now suinig her former fiance. Jennifer Wilbanks says her groom-to-be, John Mason, is “capitalizing on their story.” According to UPI, in court papers filed in Gwinnett County, Jennifer Wilbanks says John Mason got a power of attorney while she was in the hospital, sold the story for $500,000 to Regan Media and used the proceeds to buy a house, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. She wants her share of the money and a number of household items. Wilbanks received national attention when she went missing a year ago, and was found across the country in Albequerque, New Mexico, days later. Wilbanks gave police a story about how she was kidnapped, yet upon investigation, it was revealed she simply split town on her own.

Does the horse have to be drunk too?

Georgia Woman Gets DUI On Horseback: (AHN) - A Georgia woman was cited for a DUI while riding a horse after she steered the animal into traffic. A Pontiac Bonneville struck the horse injuring two young passengers and the driver. Heather Darnell, 22, of Mountain City was airlifted to the Gwinnett Medical Center in Lawrenceville, Ga and the horse reportedly survived the incident. Ancella Gragg, 32, a 13-year-old girl and 9-year-old boy were all treated at Mountain Lakes Medical Center in Clayton, Ga. Trooper Anthony Coleman said the woman was charged with a DUI because she was on a public road. She was also cited for entering a traffic lane. He said, “If it’s on the public right-of-way, you’re under the same jurisdiction as if you’re in a car.”

I wonder if he was drunk when he made his escape

Trail of beer, clothes leads to beer truck bandit: CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - A man suspected of stealing a loaded beer truck was nabbed after a police dog followed a trail of beer and clothes to find him hiding on top of a porch, Edmonton police said on Tuesday. The police dog was called out to a parking lot in the western Canadian city on Monday morning where a beer delivery truck, recently stolen outside a liquor store, had been abandoned after a collision. Edmonton police spokeswoman Karen Carlson said the dog and its handler followed a trail of discarded beer, a cooler, a hand cart and pieces of clothing to a nearby apartment building. “I guess the dog had a pretty good scent to go on,” Carlson said. Just as police readied to enter the apartment building, the suspect was seen climbing out of a second-storey window and on to the roof of the building’s porch. Police said the man was arrested without incident and charged with theft and hit and run.

Someone needs to be grabbed by the short hairs for this one

Michigan County Spends $40,000 After Misspelling “Public”: (AHN) - One Michigan County will spend $40,000 after spelling the word “public” wrong on 170,000 Nov. 7 election ballots. The ballot was proofread five times yet the “L” in the word was still left out. County Clerk Daniel C. Krueger said, “It’s just one of those words. Even after we told people it was in there, they still read over it.” The word was used six times in the ballot but was only misspelled once. An election clerk found the mistake early last week. Now all 170,000 ballots must be reprinted.

I’ve had it with these MF snakes in my MF truck stop!

Snake surprises truck driver: A lorry driver who stopped for a toilet break in a layby got a shock when he discovered he was being watched by an 8ft python. The snake weaved its way toward his feet as he stopped for the break on the A59, near York. He called police who alerted RSPCA staff, reports the York Press. Animal collection officer Helen Martindale said: “The python had wrapped itself around one the branches of the tree and was sitting there staring at us. “It was much bigger than any snakes I’ve dealt with before. Occasionally, we’ve had corn snakes that have escaped, but nothing like this. “The lorry driver said he got the shock of his life when he saw it crawling out of the bushes.” It is thought the snake was abandoned or escaped from a local house. The snake was put in a box and taken to a sanctuary in Knaresborough.

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